They're Here
by InsaneNarutard0111
Summary: Being a Narutard in Japan is... interesting. Especially when almost half the cast from your favorite anime randomly show up in your backyard while the rest of your family is off vacationing in America.
1. Prologue

Hi!!! InsaneNarutard0111 here! This is my first fan fiction, and I think it's pretty awesome, but only 'cuz it's inspired by 'You're My Best Enemy: Freshman Year' by Who. Is. It. The. Devil. Prod. I'm super sorry this story disappeared, but I accidentally deleted it while managing my account! Yes, I know, I'm a total dweeb. *sigh* Uh... some points about this story... this:  
'_What's up?_' is my split personality _Kin_. This:  
'_**Hi...**_' is my other split _**Kira**_. They show up throughout the series. _Kin _is the more boy crazy one, while **_Kira_** is somewhat "innocent". Anyway, here it is, my first fan fiction ever's prologue:

* * *

'They're Here…'

16 years old, alone in the house-

'_With the exception of your favorite fan fictions to keep you company_'

for approximately 90 days is... interesting. Going to a public Japanese school is not as interesting, but it does have it's…

**'**_**Points'**_

about it. If being practically hated by everyone there qualifies as a "point".

Even if you're the "prized foreigner".

Yeah, right, "prized"… since when has "prized" meant "totally ignored and shot venomous glares every 2 seconds"?

In what galaxy is that legal? The Ewoks on Endor would never ratify that statement, or at least, I don't think they would… moving on.

There's a group of-

'_**Excuse my English'**_

'_Sluts_'

there that seem to despise me, probably because they caught the supposed "heartthrob" of the school looking at me.

I don't know what they see in that guy.

I'd sooner tease Zetsu then hang around the not even close to real-life version of Sasuke.

Not that there's anything wrong with Zetsu, he's just kind of… different.

Anyway… I had come home from another insanely boring day of school, tired, hungry, and had homework. It was summer, and for a change, the weather was sunny with a few clouds, and a slight breeze, instead of sweltering hot and humid like it normally was in July.

After changing out of my uniform and into shorts and a T-shirt, I took a sketchbook outside to the empty lot in the backyard, along with a volume of Naruto Shippuden manga, a bottle of Mitsuya Cider, and a box of crackers.

Settling myself under a huge tree, I proceeded to draw random characters from the best anime of all time-

'_Naruto' _

**'**_**If you didn't catch that'**_

pausing occasionally to eat a cracker or drink some soda.

It was peaceful… unnaturally peaceful… that was odd.

Normally, there were cicadas buzzing, or crows cawing in their bizarre human-like voices, or a car driving on the mountain I lived on.

Not today, though.

It was almost completely silent; the creek running close by was the only sound to be heard.

I was almost wishing for something to happen, when all of a sudden-

CRACK.

* * *

Well? What do you think? Please review it, 'review' meaning, "tell me what you like, don't like, what it needs, doesn't need" and stuff like that. I don't accept flames. You give me flames, I give you Sasuke's modified version of Amaterasu.  
Sasuke: which hasn't be completed yet, but it's still pretty nasty...  
... my point. Anyway, yes, hit that lovely green button right there, and do what they call 'review'.  
-InsaneNarutard0111


	2. Intoxicated by Soda

Hi... this is InsaneNarutard0111... uh...... I don't really have anything to say....... anyway, I was pleased with the reviews I got before I accidentally deleted this story, so I'm going to give you the first chapter:

* * *

Chapter 1: Intoxicated by Soda

_2 seconds later…_

'_What the heck?!_'

_**'****That wasn't lightning…' **_

'_There are only 2 clouds in the sky…'_

Then I heard voices coming from down by the river.

**'**_**This is private property'**_ I thought.

There shouldn't be anyone here… someone was swearing up a storm, sounding a lot like Hidan. Another voice was rough and annoyed, and telling the other guy to shut up, like Kakuzu.

Both yelled at each other with the exact same voices as their Japanese seiyu*.

I didn't hear any other voices besides those 2, but judging from all the footsteps, there had to be at least 2 other people.

I looked down the hill, and lo and behold, there was Hidan, Kakuzu, Itachi, and Kisame.

'_Wait, what?!'_

**'**_**Am I losing my marbles?!' **_

'_Why are there Cosplayers here???'_

**'**_**There aren't any cons right now…'**_

I looked at my bottle of Mitsuya Cider and wondered if it really was what the label claimed it was. I was about to go down there and ask why they were here, when someone behind me demanded,

"Why're **you here?**" I turned around, and nearly screamed.

Zetsu was right behind me, half merged with the tree I had been leaning against just seconds before. I was more than shocked.

I was… scared.

True, Zetsu is cool, being a Venus Fly-Trap type thing and all, but he is scary. I think the only other person- if he even counts as a person anymore, that freaks me out more than him is that weirdo, Orochimaru.

His black side repeated the question. He stared, more like glared at me, my mind jammed and my body frozen. When I didn't respond, his white half started waving his hand in front of my face, asking if I was okay, and I finally woke up. I stuttered,

"Y-yeah…" and he gave me the 'I-don't-believe-you' look, then asked a 3rd time,

"Why. Are. **You. Here?**" to which I replied with,

"I-I live here… but w-w-why are you here?"

The ninja looked at me like I was nuts or something- and I didn't doubt him, and then said,

"We were in the forest of** Konoha**,** scouting out for intruders while **Leader-Sama was preparing to **Seal the 6-Tailed Demon Slug. **And then, there was a sound like thunder, **and we showed up here**"

'_Ah.'_ I thought.

I slowly edged away from Zetsu and walked down the hill to the river bank where Itachi, Kisame, Kakuzu, and a still swearing Hidan were, all the time wondering if these were real characters.

"U-uh… hi?" I started, then continued with,

"W-why are y-you guys h-here?"

It was Kakuzu who answered after covering up Hidan's still running mouth,

"We don't really know. We were fighting Asuma Sarutobi and his gang, and then all of a sudden- CRACK. Like lightning. Even though there weren't any clouds, and we're pretty sure no one used a Jutsu"

"W-well, ok, uh… what were you guys doing?" I directed this to Itachi and Kisame.

It turns out that they were about to start hunting for the 4-Tailed Demon Monkey.

"That means… that Sasori is already dead. Am I right?" to which they all confirmed true.

"And… Tobi's part of the Akatsuki, right?" correct, once again, all of them shocked I knew this.

'_That still doesn't explain whether they're real or not…' _

**'**_**What should we do? If Sasori's dead, Tobi's-'**_

My thoughts were interrupted by Hidan.

"So how the **** do you know all this?"

"You guys are cartoon and comic characters… you guys are really popular…" I slowly replied, still trying to find out a way to make sure I wasn't intoxicated or something.

'_Geez, intoxicated by soda? Man, you really must be losing your marbles…'_

I showed them the manga I brought with, thankfully, it didn't show anything too serious, like anyone really important dying.

"Ok, so just how much do you know?" Itachi inquired, not looking up from the book.

"Almost everything that there is to know…" I answered in a small voice.

"How many hearts do I have?" Kakuzu questioned, sounding harsh… -er than usual.

"5, each using a different Chakra nature. Your Jutsu is called "Earth Grudge Fear". Originated from Takigakure, birthday is August 15, 91 years old, 185 centimeters tall, 63.2 kilograms, blood type is A, original Chakra nature is Earth. The first ninja you ever fought on assignment was Hashirama Senju."

I recited perfectly, and I felt my confidence steadily rise.

"What's the first requirement of Jashinism in battle?" Hidan pressed.

"To ingest the victim's blood. You use the Jashin diagram and the blood to link yourself to the victim, making you a living voodoo doll. You came from Yuugakure, born on April 2, 22 years old, 177.1 centimeters tall, 56.8 kilograms; blood type is B, no specific Chakra nature. Enraged that your former village became a tourist attraction, you killed your neighbors and left"

A second time, flawlessly correct.

'_But how do I know if these guys are the real deal?!?!'_ I mentally yelled to the sky.

"How many B ranked missions have I gone on?" Itachi challenged.

"134. Born and raised in Konohagakure, birthday is June 9, 21 years old, 178 centimeters tall, 58 kilograms, AB blood type, Chakra nature is Water, Fire as an Uchiha."

He stiffened at the name "Uchiha".

I added almost inaudibly so he'd have to use his Sharingan to know what I was saying,

"You were ordered to massacre the entire Uchiha clan by the Konoha village elders"

He stiffened again.

I kind of blushed after saying all that about him, half of me being an Itachi fan girl and all, I felt proud of knowing all that.

"What's my favorite food?" everyone stared at Kisame, who turned light pink.

"What? You guys took all the good questions… and besides, who would know something as trivial as that?" he protested. I giggled and replied with,

"Shrimp and crab. You came from Kirigakure, born March 18, 32 years old, 195 centimeters tall, 83.1 kilograms, blood type is AB, and Chakra nature is water. You remain annoyed with Might Guy for kicking you almost 2 and a half years ago, and even more so that he doesn't remember you, especially after your encounter with him and his team while the 1-Tails was being Sealed."

Everyone just stared at me, and I felt my face redden, and my confidence falter.

**'**_**Did you say something wrong? Did you insult him by bringing up his fight with Guy?'**_

I randomly remembered something.

**'**_**His sword Samehada, he said no one else could use it but him…'**_

And then the light bulb turned on with a 'ding!'

'_That's it! Samehada!'_

My heart rate went up about 5 notches.

"Hey, Kisame-San" I called,

"Come here, please"

He looked at me kinda weird, but he walked over anyway.

"Would you unwrap Samehada for me, please?"

Again, another odd look, but he complied and proceeded to take off the topmost bandages from his beloved sword.

I inspected the scales that lay underneath… and poked one.

My heart nearly failed.

The tip of my finger was shredded to ribbons, even though I had only touched one scale with about 4 millimeters of skin.

That wasn't the only reason I almost died.

This meant that these guys were real.

They were here, in my backyard, in the human world, with no idea how they got here, why they were here, or what they were supposed to do.

**'**_**You can't make a sword like Samehada… even with high-tech stuff they use to clone things…'**_

'_Holy crap_' I thought.

If these guys are found, things could get very bad, very fast.

**'**_**What should we do? We can't let them go free, they'll-'**_

My thoughts were interrupted again by the reappearance of Zetsu beside me. I jumped back, and kept my mutilated finger as far away as possible from the cannibal.

"**We smelled blood,** and we wondered if anyone was hurt" he said.

"You guys are real…" I said weakly, still holding my poor finger.

"Well, duh, of course we're real! What'd you think we were? ****-ing Cosplayers?" Hidan demanded.

I looked at him and gave him my best "WTF?" look, along with,

"I just said, 'You guys are comic and cartoon characters'"

I rolled my eyes and slapped my forehead, then said,

"Oh yeah, I forgot, you weren't blessed with intelligence like Itachi or Shikamaru or any of those other guys, duh."

Kakuzu and Kisame cracked up, Kisame choking out between laughs,

"Dude! *laugh* You just got _told_ by a- *laugh, laugh, laugh* _little girl_!!!"

Hidan flushed and was about to take out his Triple-Bladed Scythe, but Itachi held him back and said in a low voice,

"Do not do anything yet, Hidan. She may be of some use to us…"

I pretended not to notice this last comment, and decided that, rather than let 5 insanely dangerous Shinobi loose on the streets, it'd be best to take it upon myself and let them stay at my place.

I gave a significant look to Itachi, hoping he would get the message, and thank Masashi Kishimoto-Sama that he did, because he signaled the rest of the group to follow me.

"Uh... yeah, you're in Karuizawa, Japan. Oh, and if you want to live, don't insult me. And yes, Hidan, I know how to kill you" I informed them as I grabbed my things, led them up to the house.

**'**_**Oh man, what have you gotten us into?**__** 5 S-ranked criminals staying in the same building as us?' **_

_'You'll probably be dead before morning…' _

I mentally shook my head and sighed.

* * *

*seiyu is Japanese for 'voice actor'. I didn't feel like typing 'voice actor' so I used 'seiyu' 'cuz it sounds cooler.  
Anyway, what do you think?  
Please use the Cycle of Awesomeness, for those who have no idea what in the heck I'm talking about, it's where you review and tell me how awesome it was, why it's awesome, how not awesome it was, why it wasn't awesome, and how to make its awesomeness factor shoot up.  
I've used the word 'awesome' like, 6 times in the past sentence. Sheesh... anyway!  
All the info about the characters in here is all 100% true! Straight from the Hiden Sha No Sho Naruto Character Data Book! And I got it in Japanese for 525 Yen! And I mostly get what it's saying! Now I'm yammering!  
Ok, no flames! Don't give me any yaoi crap, or I will give you 72 straight hours of Tsukuyomi.  
Kakashi: yikes...  
... exactly. Please review! Thanks!  
- InsaneNarutard0111


	3. Sake

Goooood morning, Japan! Good afternoon... England, I think. Good evening, America! Ok, I'm very happy with the reviews I got, so as a reward, I gonna do a double post! 2 chapters at once! *fanfare*... *cricket*... Huh? What happened? Hey, where is everyone? Nah, crud. I need to check my SB-Mail... you tell 'em, Strong Bad. Here you go.

* * *

Chapter 2: Sake

_3 minutes later…_

After opening the door to my family's house, leaving my shoes in the genkan, and walking into the living room, I paused to watch my new house guests' reactions once they came in. Simply put, they were like,

"Whoa…"

What's so "whoa" about our house? Sure, it's almost 2 times the size of a regular Japanese house, but hey, it was redone by Americans.

_'Us giant Americans and our giant American taste…'_

2 stories, 4 bedrooms, 2 bathrooms, a living room, a huge kitchen and dining room, and one _**HECK**_ of a lot of storage space. Ok, so there's also a bunch of electrical equipment that probably hasn't even been thought of in the Shinobi Nations, but whatever!

I got a bandage for my mutilated monkey meat finger (with itty bitty birdy feet floating in my ice cream), invited the ninjas to have a seat at the dinner table and asked what they would like for dinner and to drink. The first word out of Hidan's mouth,

"Sake!" to which everyone else agreed, letting me decide on that evening's meal.

"Ok… wait a minute, please… oh yeah, my name is Hikari… Kagami Hikari…" thinking up a random name and disappearing into the kitchen.

_'First, what for dinner?'_

I opened the fridge, examined the contents and decided that curry was the easiest.

_**'Thank goodness you just went shopping yesterday…'**_

_'And we still have a bunch of rice left from this morning…'_

Climbing ever so carefully on top of the fridge and retrieving the bottle of the preferred drink from the cabinet above, I jumped to the floor which was about 6 feet below and landed like a cat without a problem, while holding a rather fragile glass container filled with alcohol.

_'Mad ninja skills_' I proudly thought to myself.

Grabbing 5 glasses stacked into each other, I tried not to strut into the room with all 5 missing-nin quietly waiting.

I poured and distributed the sake, then took a seat next to Kakuzu and asked everyone if curry and rice was alright for tonight. It was Itachi who answered first, after looking at everyone else,

"Uh… sure. Whatever's easiest for you…"

_'Whew… at least they're agreeable…'_

_**'But what would happen under the influence of sake?'**_

I grew slightly worried at this new issue, but shook it off. I was about to say how long it would take, when Hidan randomly asked with suspicion lacing his words,

"Why the **** do you have sake anyway? You're not old enough…"

"I work at a restaurant for a part-time job when I'm not at school-"

"What, as the bartender?" He sat back and smirked. I sighed in annoyance and continued,

"Yes, but only when I'm not doing other things like cooking or waiting on people. I sometimes get a free bottle or 2 at the end of each month"

I wondered if I should skip work to take care of these guys or not.

"Heeey, hey! Kagami-San! You there?"

Apparently, I had been so deeply immersed in my thoughts, I forgot I had house guests. Kisame was waving his hand in front of my blank eyes.

"What? Oh, yeah… dinner… yeah… you can just call me Hikari… and you don't have to use –San, it makes me feel… old." I left for the kitchen. I could hear Hidan agree,

"Heh, same goes for me! I don't like having –San put at the ****in' end of my name either!" then complain,

"But that still doesn't explain why she works at a bar!" Zetsu answered him,

"**You idiot, when did you become a ninja? 12? **We're in a different world now, so the laws are probably different from what they are where we come from"

_'Duh'_ I thought, as I peeled and chopped carrots.

**_'Of course the rules are gonna be different'_**

I had been working at this particular restaurant for about a year, I was the youngest staff member to be hired. They were shorthanded at the time, and they were getting desperate. So, the manager easily let me in, and after a while, he paid me way more than expected. The bartender at that time seemed to teach me everything he knew, and about 3 months later, he retired and left me in charge of it. I work the half night shift on Mondays, Wednesdays, and Fridays, from 6 PM to midnight.

I started peeling and cutting potatoes, and could hear Hidan and Zetsu still arguing over about how a minor had alcohol.

I also have a part-time job subtitling for Naruto Shippuden, One Piece, and Bleach. Hey, it's relatively easy translating Japanese into English, seeing as how I'm-

_'Awesomely bilingual like that'_

_**'Don't get cocky now…'**_

I started cooking the meat, leaving a portion of it raw for Zetsu, and sighed.

"Hey… Hikari-Ch-chan… you ok?" I turned around and saw Itachi there, worry tainting his-

_**'Beautiful face'**_

"Y-yeah…" I tried dismissing the matter, but curiosity got the better of me, so I added,  
"Why do you ask?"

He hesitated before saying,

"You've been kinda… quiet… 'course that's probably 'cuz you've got-" I cut him off.

"5 S-ranked criminals staying in my house for who knows how long?" I laughed a little, then added the water and seasoning to the pot.

"Yeah, I'm not totally used to this… but I'm sure you guys are _waaay_ more freaked out than I am…"

"Yeah…"

"Hey."

"Hm?"

"Make sure Kakuzu isn't sneaking anything to pawn when I'm not looking, will you?" Itachi laughed and left the kitchen, saying,

"Nah, I don't think he is, but I'll check" and right before he left, he patted my shoulder.

My stomach jumped like Super Mario hitting a mushroom. That was a weird comparison… but it's true.

_'That's… weird…'_

_**'Why's he doing this?'**_

_**'Wait, Itachi can laugh?!'  


* * *

**_Ok, the very last line, right above this, yeah, that's when my splits say stuff together. This chapter wasn't as awesome as all my other ones, but I couldn't think of what to stick in here. And who caught my Foster's Home for Imaginary Friends line?  
'Great green globs of greasy grimy gopher guts, mutilated monkey meat, itty bitty birdy feet! Great green globs of greasy grimy gopher guts, floating in my ice cream!'  
Anyway, please Cycle of Awesomeness-ize, and all that awesome stuff. Please! Don't send me anything that doesn't relate to the topic! Or you will be sealed away forever in the inescapable hilt of the Totsuka sword wielded by Susano'o!  
Orochimaru: *still in there* lemee out!!! S-s-s-s-s-sasuke-e-e-e-e Ku-u-u-u-u-un!!!!!  
Sasuke: nah, shuddup.  
I'll try to get the next chapter up like, really soon. Thanks for reading!  
-InsaneNarutard0111


	4. Knives

Ok, so the update took a little while longer than expected, but hey, it's still 2 posts in one day, and within, you know, 2 hours of each other. You're not getting what I'm saying, and I don't doubt you. *sigh*... I'm sorry if all my chapter fixing is filling up your inbox if you added me to your Author Alerts thing... sorry. Here.

* * *

Chapter 3: Knives

_Another 2 seconds later…_

'_Oh man, Itachi fan girl symptoms coming into play…' _

**'**_**No! I can't let that happen! Not now!' **_

'_Aw, why not?' _

**'**_**Because, he-' **_

I was awoken from this new conversation by an outburst from Hidan. Apparently, he had gotten so upset about not knowing how I was hired underage at a bar, he randomly swore at the top of his lungs-

**'**_**Maybe he had too much sake…'**_

'_Probably...' _

and nearly decapitated Zetsu.

"OI! NO NINJA FIGHTS IN MY HOUSE!!!" I bellowed over my shoulder.

Everything froze.

Hidan stopped in mid-swipe.

Zetsu stopped in mid-duck.

Judging from everyone's expressions when they saw me, I looked _mad_.

A sharp knife in my hand and an unmistakable look of pissed off-ed-ness clearly showing on my face, I must've looked pretty insane. I can be a total b*tch when I want to, and it results in me not having very many friends-

'_Heck, you don't have any friends at all!'_

-but it makes people shut up and listen to me, so I'm ok with it. I stormed out of the kitchen and stood in the doorway, still holding onto the knife I was using for the food.

"As long as you're under my roof, you will_** NOT**_, I repeat, _**NOT**_, fight, injure, or kill anyone, in any way! You hear me?"

I pointed my knife to each Shinobi in turn. From the looks on their faces, either I was letting out an extraordinary amount of Killing Intent (highly unlikely), or they were just plain freaked out.

"YOU HEAR?!" I demanded again and threw the knife. It embedded itself in the cork board about a centimeter from Kakuzu's head. They all straightened up and exclaimed together,

"Y-yes, ma'am!"

I smiled my satisfaction and returned to "normal",

"Good. Dinner will be ready in 20 minutes. You are free to watch TV or look around the house"

-and left the kitchen, Kisame following. In the living room, I connected my mini laptop to the projector and brought up the anime archives, my mood lightening at the sight of my desktop background, all of the Akatsuki looking just plain awesome, with both Tobi and Sasori. I taught Kisame how to change the series and episodes, and he, Kakuzu, and Hidan all settled on different seats around the room. Zetsu merged with the wooden floor and watched as well.

I returned to the kitchen, pulling out the knife from the board on the way. The only one left in the dining room was Itachi. There was kind of an awkward silence…

"Hikari-Ch-chan?"

"Hm…?" I replied, feeling unnaturally tired.

'_See? He's talking to you. And he used the formality you wanted' _

**'**_***blush* T-that doesn't prove anything!'**_

'_Hm…?' _

Guys, will you shut up? Itachi's trying to talk to me…

'_As you wish…' _

but, Itachi seemed to decide against it, and instead mumbled,

"N-never mind…" and for some reason, turned slightly pink.

**'**_**Wait, what?!' **_

'_I told you…' _

See, you guys? You scared him away…

'_Well, soooooorry…'_

**'**_**Darn…' **_

I heard the guys in the other room laughing over some gory homicide, probably from Hell Girl. Itachi wouldn't like that… there was only 15 minutes left to wait.

**'**_**That went by unnaturally fast…'**_

'_Probably 'cuz she spent most of her time sulking 'cuz we supposedly messed up her chance to talk with "lover boy"…'_

**'**_**Shut up…' **_

Yes, both of you need to stop talking… I have a headache.

I slid down the cabinets and slumped onto the floor.

'_Why do I feel like this right now?'_

**'**_**It's not normal…'**_

'_Maybe it's just 'cuz 5 of the coolest dudes ever randomly showed up in your house…' _

**'**_**Probably…' **_

All 3 of us sighed at the same time, hanging our heads.

* * *

Ok, does anyone watch Hell Girl besides me? Great show... anyway, Cycle of Awesomeness. In other words review. No flames, gay crap, or unrelated stuff. You do that, I hit you with Gufū Suika no Jutsu, the Typhoon Water Vortex technique that Yamato and Naruto used against Kakuzu's masks.  
Kakuzu: ouch...  
There's a poll on my account. Vote. Thanks...  
-InsaneNarutard0111


	5. Curry and Chunin Exams

Good morning, folks, this is your captain InsaneNarutard0111, wishing you a safe and enjoyable flight as we journey to the land of They're Here. *drops PA* yep, I hope ya'll like this chapter, 'cuz it took me a while to get it the way I wanted it. 'Nuff said. Here's ya'll's order:

* * *

Chapter 4: Curry and Chunin Exams

_5 minutes later…_

"H-hikari-Chan?"

I guess this time, he wasn't gonna back down.

"Hm…?" I replied sleepily, raising my tired head slightly to look at him.

Itachi seemed to fight with himself on what to say, because nothing happened for 3 seconds. He finally broke the short silence with,

"U-uh, if you don't mind me asking, how old are you?"

'_What. The. Heck. What dude asks a girl how old she is?' _

"16…" I don't really care if a guy asks my age.

"And you work as a bartender?" Itachi sat on the floor beside me.

**'**_**The kitchen floor. That's gotta be one of the dirtiest places in the house, next to the bathroom, and the genkan. Why's he doing this?' **_

'_Must be the sake… it's messing him up'_

"Yep… it's kinda complicated, but it works…"

"Ok… so… what rank are you?"

"Hm… 10th grade…"

He gave me a weird look, and then I realized that, in the ninja world, they don't exactly have grades.

"Oh, yeah, uh… I'm a… Chunin." That made more sense.

"Oh… ok… hm…" I could tell he was doing some serious thinking.

**'**_**He looks so calm…' **_

'_Dude, check out his body!' _

**'**_**Huh? How can you? That cloak covers everything' **_

'_So take it off!' _

**'**_**What? No!' **_

'_Aw, why not?'_

**'**_**B-because, we don't even know each other!' **_

'_Well, you're starting to, 'cuz he's asking about you. And you know practically everything about him.' ___

_**'Yeah, but that's not the same as actually knowing him!'**_

'_*sigh*… your loss…' _

Itachi must've caught me staring at him, because he stared straight back. I blushed and looked away. Just for something to do, I stood up and checked the food.

"10 minutes… the rice should be done soon, too…" I murmured.

I sighed and turned back to pot, not feeling like doing anything else. The smell of sake was starting to get to me, even if the curry's delicious scent was steadily filling the house, the stench of fermented rice wine lingered. I sighed again and sat back down on the floor next to Itachi. He continued to ask about me, seeing as how I've got him practically memorized. Things like my hobbies-

'_Naruto, Naruto, and more Naruto_'- my family-

**'**_**Mom, dad, younger sister, and brother'**_- where I'm originally from-

'_America…'_- my status-

**'**_**Single and always will be…**_**'**- wait, what? Never mind… and other stuff like that.

Once the food was ready, I served the guys dinner and sat on the couch between Kisame and Itachi. The missing-nins were watching the Chunin Exams, and Shino totally wiping the floor with Zaku, which I approved of.

**'**_**At least they're not annihilating each other…'**_

After 10 o' clock, we decided where everyone would be sleeping, and after showering, I started up the stairs to my bedroom. I was about to open the door, but apparently, I was so tired, I didn't notice a certain Uchiha following me until I heard a soft, "_whoosh_" of fabric, his arms wrapping themselves around my waist from behind, and his hot breath on my neck.

"Hm… g'night…" he softly murmured in my ear. I felt my face heat up, but I refused to let any signs of surprise show, and turned in his hold to face him. I hugged him back, whispering a quick,

"g'night" before I heard Kakuzu ask where Itachi was, and dashed into my room, shutting the door.

I heard Itachi vanish in a puff of smoke, and reappear somewhere downstairs. I lay down on my bed, facing the ceiling, my hands behind my head, thinking about what just happened.  
_  
'Well, talk about "Out of Character-ness", WTF was that for? No more sake for him…'_

'_**I dunno, but I liked it…'**_

Of course you did, _**Kira**_, but we can't let this get out of hand. If and once we get them back to their world, this supposed relationship is gonna go "ka-freakin'-boom" on us, possibly messing up the story line. We gotta keep this thing under wraps… good night, guys.  
_**  
'Good night'**_

And with that, I drifted off to sleep.

* * *

Soooooo??? Yes, I know Itachi is kinda OOC, but he shouldn't be so out of it that it turns him into a bishounen. Hopefully. Anyway, Cycle of Awesomeness, yadda, yadda, yadda, and whatnot. Flames and I may just have to ensue Kirin...  
Sasuke: dude... you don't want her to do that, trust me.  
... yeah. Thanks!  
-InsaneNarutard0111


	6. Juken, Medical Ninjutsu, and

Duuuuuuuuudes!!! What's up?! *drops beach scenery and surfboard* Okee-doke, here's the next chapter of my first story. It's kinda weird. Only kinda, though. SOOO...... here:

* * *

Chapter 5: Juken, Medical Ninjutsu, and- Why's Sasori Alive?

_At around 5:30 the next evening…_

I sniffed again and continued limping home. I fiddled with the lock and walked into the genkan, hardly registering the fact that there were twice as many ninja shoes littering it as there was this morning. Then again, I couldn't see out of my right eye.

"I'm back…" I muttered as I walked into the living room.

"Welco- WHAT THE **** HAPPENED?!" was basically the response I got when my guests saw me.

I sniffed once more and leaned against the doorframe.

"Got into a fight…" and said it like it like I was talking about Ahiru from Princess Tutu being... well, a duck, or something normal like that.

"Well, duh, we can see that, but what happened?!"

"There were like, 3 of them, they hate me, and I totally kicked their ***es, but then this huge dude knocked me out, and they beat the **** outta me…" I summarized, telling this to the floor.

"What did you do to them?"

I looked up, and nearly died the second time that day. Pein, Konan, Deidara, Tobi, and-

**'**_**Sasori?!'**_

now joined the group of characters that were in my house.

"Why're there more of you…? And why's Sasori still alive…?" I groggily asked.

"Huh? Oh, **they showed up today around the same time as we did yesterday**. We dunno why Sasori's here, though…" explained Zetsu.

"But what did you do to the enemies?" Pein persisted, his violet ringed eyes boring into my functioning hazel one.

"Wha…? Oh, that. Yeah, I hate using fists and stuff, so I fought Hyuga style…"

The room went silent… -er than it already was.

"You can use Juken?" Itachi asked, clearly astounded at this new information.

"Huh? Oh, no. Not that, the Chakra and whatever… I just hit all their pressure points except for the killing ones…"

I had a really nasty headache…

"Whoa…" everyone was staring at me, in what I guessed was awe.

"OH, TOBI LIKES YOU ALREADY!!!"

and before I knew it, I was being held around the middle in a death glomp by Tobi.

"OOF! Ow… T-tobi… injuries…" I barely managed to choke out, before I started coughing up blood.

"TOBI!!!" everyone yelled at him.

The masked idiot immediately dropped me and started freaking out that I was gonna die and that he was a good boy and whatever.

I got up from the ground as fast as my bruised legs would let me, and bolted to the bathroom. Not bothering to close the door, I threw up more blood into the toilet. Once I figured I had lost enough, I stood up slowly, wiped my mouth with my hand, and flushed it all away forever. I looked in the mirror and realized just how beat up I really was.

My uniform was torn; blood was splattered across it; bruises and scratches up and down my arms and legs and face; and to top it all off, a black eye.

'_Oh man…'_

**'**_**Sooo not going to work tonight…'**_

I started cleaning my face with antiseptic, occasionally hissing or muttering curses under my breath. Then Itachi calmly walked in and just randomly began healing my poor beat up little self. He started with my sad right eye.

'_Did the Data Books say anything about Itachi knowing Medical Ninjutsu?' _

**'**_**I don't know…' **_

'_How could you not know? You're the Itachi fan girl…'_

**'**_**Yeah, but I think you have to know it if you're in ANBU…'**_

'_Oh yeah…'_

"H-hey, you don't have to do this…" I protested, but it was useless.

He held one hand over the right half of my face, setting his other on my waist, standing unnaturally close.

"I know… but I want to…" he whispered into my left ear, and did the most unexpected thing in the universe. He leaned in closer, until his face was right beside mine, and licked my bleeding cheek.

_**'*Machines. Frozen. Alert. Alert. Alert.*'**_

'_Whoa, that __was__ unexpected… the only people I've seen do that are Anko and Orochimaru…' _

I saw my face bypass red and skip straight to maroon in less than 2 seconds. I was absolutely sure that Itachi could feel the heat radiating off me, he was like, 3 centimeters away. I was absolutely shocked I didn't pass out again.

'_Idiot! Wake up! *slap*'_

**'**_**What? Oh yeah'**_

I snapped out of my stunned state and resumed dabbing the scratches on my face, still blushing enough to put Ginny Weasly around Harry Potter to shame.

Just in case you're wondering, that's a lot.

Anyway, Itachi finished with my eye and set both hands on my burning cheeks, and-

'_Was that a smirk that just played on-' _

**'**_**His**__** beautifully carved features?'**_

No… was it? It happened so fast, I couldn't be sure, because he quickly returned to completely stoic, betraying no hint of emotion whatsoever.

**'**_**Darn…'**_

I continued to wipe the scrapes on my arms, remaining silent the entire time, while the dude standing 3 inches away from me healed the spots I had just cleaned.

'_Does he do this to every girl he just happens to find hurt?' _

**'**_**I dunno… I hope not'**_

'_Makes you feel kinda special, doesn't it?'_

**'**_**Yeah, kinda…'**_

**'**_**Wha-?!'**_

I couldn't help but gasp. But, then again, who wouldn't?

Itachi had slid his glowing hands from my arms, past my middle, and kneeled down to my badly bruised thighs.

'_Ok, dude, if he is not checking you out, then there is something seriously wrong with him'_

I blushed even more at this, you know, seeing as how he has a clear view straight up my skirt.

But, I kept my mouth shut.

While he was healing me, I asked him if he told everyone what he knew about me and the situation they were in. He merely nodded and finished. He stood up, cast one last sweeping look over me, and left.

I looked at the spots my injuries used to be, and there were only light shadows left.

Maybe regular humans take longer to heal that someone who actually has Chakra nerves… after showering and changing into my pajamas-

'_Yeah! Tank top and baggy plaid pants all the way!'_

being too lazy to get actual clothes, I returned to the living room where the 11 Shinobi were, and was surprised to see that they were still in almost the exact same places I left them.

"So… what should we have for dinner?" I began, looking around the room at each of them. Silence.

"Ok, pizza it is."

* * *

Ok, I told you this was weird, right? I added some more Itachi fluff just 'cuz, and there'll be some other stuffy animals in here later, so don't worry. Cycle of Awesomeness, commencing. No flames, or you'll have Makyou Hyoushou knocking on your door, the Demonic Ice Crystal Mirrors. And they can't be melted, so you just got b*tch slapped in the face both ways by a teen hot off the press!!!  
Haku, Naruto, and Sasuke: ouch....  
Yeah. Review please!!!  
-InsaneNarutard0111


	7. Pizza and Dirty Little Secrets

A'ight, hia's da nex chapta. *drops the marijuana and pulls my pants up all the way* yeah, that was kinda stupid, but I just felt like being stupid. ANYWAY, I haven't been getting very many reviews, so if those who have already read my story, could please tell their friends and whoever about this, I would be so happy, it'd make Forte from Galaxy Angel's trigger-happiness look like nothing. Yeah, another stupid moment. Ok, here.

* * *

Chapter 6: Pizza and Dirty Little Secrets… or something like that.

_At dinner…_

'_Oh man, it's a good thing you have enough food here to feed 2 under-developed nations, but you yourself can force yourself to eat very little, 'cuz if you didn't have all these mini pizzas, I swear we'd all starve more than those kids in Kenya and make them look like they've been brought up in Buckingham Palace'_

_**'Yeah… what she said'**_

Oh man… yes, it was a very good thing that I had just gone shopping on Wednesday, the day before Itachi, Kisame, Zetsu, Hidan, and Kakuzu showed up.

*sigh*… anyway, we all somehow just managed to fit into the dining room, Zetsu went hunting outside for any wild boars that might be lurking about, while Sasori stood in the doorway, listening to the conversation me and the Akatsuki were having.

_'Dude, good thing he's a puppet, otherwise we'd have another mouth to feed'_

Yeah… we were talking about how to get everyone back to the Shinobi world.

Itachi remained impassive as ever, but there seemed to be a light air of smugness around him. I refused to meet his dark grey eyes for fear of letting him know what I was thinking.

_'Oh, you dirty mind, you…'___

_**'Not like that, Kin!'**_

_'Sure, __**Kira**__, sure…'_

When Tobi walked into the room after "getting lost in this huge house", everyone sweat-dropped at the same time, including me, but then stiffened when they realized what a serious situation this was. Everyone was itching to see his face, even Pein, who was the supposed leader of this whole organization. But, Tobi just sat down and shoved 2 whole mini pizzas in his mouth in less than 4 seconds.

_'Yeah, like that's enough time to actually see anything_…'

_**'How'd he fit all those pizzas…?'**_

__"So… not even you, the most devout Narutard of all time, knows what Tobi's face looks like, yeah?" I looked at Deidara and deadpanned,

"No, even I don't know what Mad-" but was cut off by the guy in question's hand shooting across the table and over my mouth.

He held one finger over where I guessed his mouth was, using the universal signal for, "shut your mouth now; or I'll slug you so fast and hard, you won't even know what hit you" and flashed his visible Sharingan menacingly at me.

I turned my head away, laughing nervously, and started on a new topic: where everyone would be sleeping tonight.

"I'm staying with Konan!" was an unexpected outburst from- Pein?

_**'Since when does Pein have outbursts?'**_

___'I don't know…'_

He immediately grabbed Konan's arm and pulled her closer to him.

_'Oh yeah…'_

I grinned at them.

_'Hm…?'_

_**'Oh man, I hope there won't be a bunch of little Peins and Konans running around later…'**_

___'Dude, do you know how hilarious that would be?'_

_**'No, I don't.'**_

___'Aw, you're no fun…'_

and the couple turned redder than a Pokèball-

'_Yes, I am a former Pokèfreak'_

-but Pein kept a firm grip on his "supposed" lover's arm.

"Ok, I guess you can stay in my parents' room… what about everyone else?"

We have a bunch of futons from whoever it was that used to live in this house.

"I got dibs on the couch"

"Ok, Kisame has the couch… Tobi?"

"Ooh! Tobi wants the room upstairs!"

"Uh… which room would that be…?"

"The room with all the cute little stuffed animals!"

"Uh… which room would that be…?"

Both of my little sister's AND brother's rooms have stuffed animals… all over the place. He gave me a blank look.

"Tobi! Show her the room you wanna stay in, un!" barked an annoyed Deidara.

"Oh, ok!"

And the insanely childish who-knows-how-many-decades-old man sprinted out of the dining room, up the dangerously steep stairs, dragging me along, and stopped in front of my sister's room. He turned towards me, let out an excited squeak, which led me to believe that he was grinning from ear to ear underneath that ridiculous lollipop mask of his, and ran into the dark room.

_'Geez, the old man wants to stay __here__?'_

_**'*sigh* yes, I suppose so…'**_

_'He's more deranged than I thought…'_

Psh, got that, right, _Kin_.

To my surprise, Tobi pulled me in with him, and shut the door.

_'He shut it.'_

_**'Yikes! What's he gonna do?!'**_

_'I dunno… *shudder*'_

Then pressed me against the closed door.

I guessed that he had taken his mask off all the way, I couldn't be sure because the light wasn't on, but when I felt his breath against my neck, I figured that at least the bottom half was uncovered. I did my best not to shiver, but you would not believe how difficult that is.

He held one hand over my neck against the door, threatening to push harder if needed, his other hand resting on my waist. I could see one Sharingan eye staring down at me.

Yes, _down_ at me.

_'You idiot, why'd you wear a tank top?'_

_**'I didn't feel like over-heating in the middle of the night! And besides, he can't see in the dark! The Sharingan can't do that! Or, the normal one can't anyway...'**_

___'Whatever…'_

"How much do you know…?" a deep, but quiet voice whispered into my ear, almost- what was that?

'_Seductively?'___

_**'*passes out*'**_

___'Geez, __**Kira**__, you really are weaker than Hinata…'_

Anyway, back to Mr. Pedophile. I didn't want anything to do with the guy, so I just simply said,

"Everything… Madara" and stared straight into his Kekkei Genkai, seriously freaked out at what might happen.

"Is that so…?" he quietly asked, brushing his cheek against mine.

"Yes, the Moon's Eye Plan, the summoning of the 9-Tails and its attack on Konoha, your brother Izuna, everything" I told him.

"Hm…? Who would think that such a _young_ girl would know so much, hm?" Madara let go of my neck, but on the word 'young', he ran his knuckles down past my collarbone, just stopping where my shirt started. I shivered, making him chuckle darkly, lean in closer and ask in an even quieter voice,

"You won't tell anyone… will you?" and did the most disturbing thing ever. He bit my neck. I shuddered and turned away.

_'Being bit by a guy that's like, 5 times your age and more evil than Darth Vader, the Joker, and Mojo-Jojo (and, no, I do not watch Power-Puff Girls anymore) combined is sooo freaky!'_

_**'*still out cold*'**_

_'*sweat drops*…'_

The guys and girl downstairs thought that it was kind of taking a while just to show Tobi where he was sleeping, so they sent Deidara up to check on us. He saw that my sister's room's door was shut, got really suspicious and opened the door really slowly. Madara pulled me away and slid his mask back on, instantly returning to "Tobi Mode".

"Uh… what were you guys doing, yeah…?" his partner hesitantly asked. Nah, crap, he probably thought we were in the middle of some steamy make out session or some other Icha-Icha-worthy material like that.

"Tobi was just showing Hii-Chan the way that the stuffed animals' eyes glowed in the dark!"

I was amazed by how fast the fool could make up an excuse. I was also a little annoyed by the informality he used with my name, using the first syllable only, and we're not even close!

Ok, so, he was messing with me, but that doesn't mean that I liked it! Deidara also seemed to notice the change, and I shrugged at him.

"Ok… well, everyone wants to know where they're sleeping, so come down, un."

I readily agreed and jumped down the Perilous Stairs of Despair-

_'That wasn't supposed to rhyme…_'

-nearly breaking my face on the very last step. Seriously, those stairs are at like, a 48 degree angle, which is very steep, mind you.

_'Thank Jashin Deidara saved us!'_

_**'Yes, I do believe my respect for Deidara has risen significantly.'**_

___'Remind me to glomp him later.'___

_**'Will do.'**_

___**'Over and out.'**_

I came back to the dining room, my blonde savior behind me; Tobi skipped in after us and announced to the room at large that the stuffed animals' eyes glowed.

That was followed by an awkward silence.

I re-started the subject of sleeping space. After another 5 minutes of people arguing with each other, we finally agreed on rooms and who would be sharing with whom. I disappeared into the living room and started watching the Rookie 9 repeatedly get their butts kicked by a mostly transformed Sora.

Everyone else followed suit, settling in different spots around the room.

It was hard not to notice the tension building between the 2 males on either side of me. Deidara was glaring kunai at Itachi every chance that he got, while the other retained his unemotional mask, but you could tell that he was not enjoying the blonde's company.

'_Now I know what it feels like to be Ai from Y.M.B.E.F.Y……….'_

_**'Did you have to bring up another author's story? Oh yeah, you're in debt to Deidara'**_

__Oh yeah. I was starting to feel the after effects of the earlier brawl from today, so I made sure that when I fell asleep, I leaned on Deidara, instead of Itachi.

I could've sworn the temperature dropped 10 degrees.

Celsius.

But, I let the matter drop and snuggled into Deidara's arm.

* * *

Yeah, I added some Deidara fluff in there, but hey, Itachi got a bunch of it in the past who knows how many chapters. Yeah, this chapter is kinda creepy, with Tobi/Madara screwing around, literally, in it. *sigh* Review please. Cycle of Awesomeness, everyone. Flame me, and I use RasenShuriken.  
Kakuzu: yikes........  
...... my point. Thanks!  
-InsaneNarutard0111


	8. Nightmares

Hi! Here's the next chapter!!!

* * *

Chapter 7: Nightmares

_The next morning…_

_I twitched. I was lying on something very hard, possibly the ground. Opening my eyes, I looked around the place I was kept. Through the dim light, I could make out a tray to the right of me, with numerous instruments on it. Scissors, needles, scalpels, and some things I couldn't name, glinted with was little light there was. To my left, there was a large bulb on a stand. Then the door opened and 2 people came in._

One had long, black hair and deathly pale skin; the other had white hair kept in a low ponytail and glasses. The white haired one took a syringe, filled it with purple fluid, and injected it in my arm. At first, nothing happened.

Then it hit me.

It seemed as though fabric was trying to unfold in my veins, tearing at my insides.

"No…" I stirred. Strangely enough, the thing I was lying on moved as well.

"I think she's waking up…" someone said. Kakuzu?

_The pain was excruciating. It moved sluggishly to my brain, threatening to destroy it as it had the rest of my body._

"No…………."

"Good thing, too! I'm ****in' hungry!" another complained. Hidan?

_My body was frozen, regardless of how hard I ordered it to react. The one with black hair had yellow slit eyes up close. He took a scalpel and brought it closer and closer to my neck. I should've felt the cold, razor-sharp metal when it punctured my skin, had it not been for the anesthesia that 4-eyes stuck in me._

Blood started seeping out of the cut, and Orochimaru continued to slice me open, Kabuto taking notes. Then Orochimaru moved down to my heart, and-

"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!"

I jolted up, screaming, not registering the fact that I was sitting on someone.

"What?! What?! What happened?!" Apparently, Deidara had been dozing off as well, and I woke him up. Panting, I wildly looked around the room, and seeing that there was no trace of Orochimaru or Kabuto, I calmed down. Everyone was staring at me like I was insane. Then again, I didn't blame them.

"Nightmare?" Kisame asked, eyeing me like I might explode at any second or something.

"Y-yeah…" I scooted off Deidara's lap and onto the edge of the couch that he and Itachi were currently sitting on.

"What about?" inquired Pein. I curled up into a ball, stared that the floor, and took a few shaky breaths before answering.

"I-I… got… e-e-experimented on… b-by… Orochimaru…"

Every single person in the room looked shocked, but I think Itachi was the most. He turned paper white and looked like he was remembering some terrible stuff.

_'Oh yeah…'_

_**'He also got into a sticky spot with that creep…'**_

I buried my face in my knees and started rocking back and forth.

"Uh… if I may ask… **why were you dreaming about that?**" Zetsu hesitantly questioned.

"I dunno…" was all I could say. I choked out about a minute later,

"He was dissecting me, saying that he was planning on using the parts for his experiments…"

"You were awake?" Konan stared at me, horrified. I nodded.

"And he was slicing you to bits, and you knew this?" Sasori's puppet face somehow looked concerned. I nodded again.

"Would you like to find out?" my head shot up in Hidan's direction, and he had this twisted grin on his face and his wine red eyes had this insane excitement that really freaked me out. I froze and felt what little blood I had in my face drain from it.

"Hidan! Don't ask stupid crap like that…" and strong arms wrapped themselves around my tense body and pulled me back onto their owner's lap. Itachi rested his cheek on my head and held me closer.

'_**Whoa…'**___

'So this is what it feels like…'

I started to loosen, and I savored this moment, this moment of comfort, not wanting it to end and leaned into his chest. I felt Itachi smirk at Deidara.

_'Deidara: 2'_

_**'Itachi: 4'**_

I didn't care at the moment, I was too freaked out by my demented nightmare to do anything but snuggle father into the Uchiha.

And then Tobi just had to kill it.

"What time is it?" the clock was on the wall he was sitting against, so he couldn't see it.

"Hm… 7:50…" the dude holding me slowly murmured.

"WHAT?!" I yelled in English, scaring everyone and probably deafening Itachi.

_**'I'm so sorry!!!'**_

_'Dang it Tobi, you just had to ruin it, didn't you?'_

Swearing and jumping off the half-love-of-my-life's lap, I ran up the stairs to my room and changed at top speed, still freaking out. I jumped down the stairs, nearly breaking my face in the process, into the bathroom, brushed my teeth and hair and all that, dashed into the kitchen, grabbed a piece of toast, all the while, shouting instructions to my stunned (and partially deaf) house guests. Stuff like,

"You guys can eat whatever you want, watch whatever's on the computer, Kisame knows how to work it, you can use the shower, don't answer the door, don't go outside unless other characters show up, no ninja fights, Zetsu, don't eat anyone, Hidan, no blood, Deidara, no explosions, don't read any of my Naruto manga, and I'll be home around 4:30 if I can!"

I snatched up my school bag and sprinted out the door and to school. Everyone was still temporarily frozen. Hidan was the first to recover.

"Uh… what the **** did she just say?"

"I think she was telling us what to do **and what not to do…**"

"I can't hear anything you're saying, what?!"

"SHE WAS TELLING US WHAT TO DO AND WHAT NOT TO DO!!!"

"Oh, thanks, Kisame…"

"I wonder if anyone else will show up"

"Hm… sounds expensive…"

"****, Kakuzu, you say every-****in'-thing is expensive!"

"I know, but I'm just saying…"

"Man, she can yell… ow…"

"I guess we shouldn't get on her bad side, yeah?"

* * *

I know, this chapter's kinda... short, but it's just what I came up with! I'm kinda going into a small case of Writer's Block, and it's probably 'cuz of my Japanese language studies. gr... but, the next couple chapters should be pretty interesting. However, I will not update until I get exactly 15 reviews. No less. Flames will result in RasenRengan.  
Pein: ouch...  
...yeah. Thanks for reading! Cycle of Awesomeness, please!  
-InsaneNarutard0111


	9. Sasuke and Orochimaru! And Friends

HI!!!!!!!!! I got a bunch of reviews and I promised that once I got 15, I'd update, so here it is!!!

* * *

Chapter 8: Sasuke and Orochimaru! And Friends…

(_Has anyone else seen 'Rocky and Bullwinkle and Friends' besides me?_)

_After school…_

The assembly at school was rather uneventful. The fools that decided to pick a fight with me looked far worse than I did. They had bruises alllllll over their bodies, except for the huge dude that knocked me out.

Then again, I do have a super awesome former ANBU agent fully trained in Medical Ninjutsu and whatnot at my disposal…

My partial guy-friends asked me about the bite mark on my neck, and I practically freaked out because I forgot about what happened between me and Madara. I just told them it was from the fight I got into. They believed me. I'll have to remind myself to whack Tobi around for that later…

Anyway, I got home, and thankfully, there weren't any more characters… yet.

The guys and girl spent most of their time either watching episodes-

'_We put a lock on the episodes past the Sora Arc for Naruto'_

'_**So they can't figure out what happens later'**_- reading manga-

'_We also hid the chapters'_

'_**Past the part they appeared'**_- eating, or doing origami-

_**'Thank goodness she didn't bury the entire house…'**_

Seeing Konan control paper like the way she did suddenly reminded me of The Paper from Read or Die… very old anime, very awesome, but not as awesome as Masashi Kishimoto-Sama's greatest masterpiece: Naruto.

At exactly 4:45, we heard another resounding CRACK, and I ran down to the river where it came from. When I got there, it was a perfect-

'_W. __**T. **__**F?!'**_- moment.

Orochimaru, Sasuke, Jiraiya, Tsunade, and Sakura were all standing together, shocked at what just happened.

Then I was being pressed against a tree, a long tongue around my neck, slowly constricting me before I could even register what had happened.

"Foo a—yo—? (Who are you?)" Orochimaru questioned with some difficulty, it seemed to me his tongue was temporarily out of service-

'_Yeah! You tell them, Dr. Teeth!'_

'_**Muppets, anyone?'**_- you know, being wrapped around my windpipe and all.

"N-not an-n e-e-enemy…" I choked out before something collided with the snake-like freak.

I fell, gasping for breath, trying to figure out what was going on.

It turns out that Itachi wasn't gonna let my-

_**'Disturbing'**_ nightmare come true,

and seeing his old enemy coming close to doing it didn't help, so he launched himself at Orochimaru, and proceeded to beat the-

_'****'_- out of him.

No one else was getting what was going on either, at least, not until Sasuke noticed that his brother was right in front of him, distracted and determined to turn his former colleague's face to a pulp.

Sasuke charged at him, Chidori steaming through his katana, and yelling,

"ITACHI!!! YOU WILL DIE HE-" but was cut off by me ramming myself into his stomach and forcing him against a different tree.

"You will not, I repeat, **_NOT_**, hurt _anyone_ here as long as you're on my property! You got that, _boy_?" I ordered through clenched teeth, pressing his sword to his neck.

I noticed how dark his eyes were, just like all the fan fiction say they are… deep, dark, endless pools…

'_Snap outta it!'_

_**'Yeah, what happened to Itachi?' **_Oh yeah…

"Yeah. And don't call me _boy_, little girl" he pulled away, straightened his shirt, and walked back to Orochimaru, Itachi being done with the sad heap of snake skin, the regenerated monster reappearing behind the rest of the Akatsuki.

I ran up in front of Sasuke, and said it like it was as normal as Tuxedo Mask carrying a red rose-

'_Which is very normal'_

**'**_**For a cool show like Sailor Moon'**_

"You're 6 months and 12 days younger than me, so of course I can call you a boy. And that doesn't give you the right to call me a little girl, _boy_" and slapped him straight across his pretty little face.

Oh, did I just say that?

"Ooh, you just got b*tch-slapped by a _girl_, dude, seriously…!" Hidan told him as we walked back to my house.

"Shut up…" Sasuke snapped back, holding his cheek.

I caught Sakura staring at Sasori in disbelief, the other doing his best to ignore her. I also felt a certain perverted old dude's peepers staring at places I'd rather not have gazed upon by him in particular.

"Jiraiya, I swear, if you do not remove your eyes from my butt, I will kick you where the sun never shines so hard, it'll make you more useless than Itachi"

I growled at him, stopping where I was. I heard 2 whimpers coming from the guys in question and Deidara, Hidan, and Sasuke laughing, but I knew the Sannin had obeyed. I shot at apologetic look at Itachi, who refused to acknowledge my existence, after my jibe at his uh… "_crushed_ pride". I didn't blame him.

Deidara swung his arm around my shoulder as we continued to walk back to my house, still laughing at my insult, making my cheeks burn.

Oh, Jashin, how much more of this can I take?

* * *

SOOO?????? Was it worth the 24 hour wait? Or however long that was? Anyway, Cycle of Awesomeness, please. Flame me, and I'll use Katon: Gōkakyū no Jutsu. Heh, that's a fire Jutsu... and it's going against another fire... dang, am I good or what?  
Deidara: yeah, you're good, un.  
Aw, thanks! Thanks for reading!  
-InsaneNarutard0111


	10. I Dare You to Tell Me the Truth

YO-O-O-O-OSHA-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A-A!!! I'm back, people, alive and well, and I've got your next chapter that OxVanillaPeachesxO helped me soooo much with!!! 'Course, everyone else cheered me along the way, and I love you dudes soooo much for that!!!

The reason it took so long to update was because my ma shortened my computer time to ONE FREAKING HOUR. Seriously.

Oh yeah, I forgot to say this a long time ago, but I don't own Naruto. This is the last time I'll say it. I DON'T OWN NARUTO.

Oh, and forget about the dedication in the prologue. I kinda... gave up on Y.M.B.E:F.Y.... no offense. Seriously.

One more thing before I shuddup and let you read: THIS CHAPTER WILL BE VERY CRACK. LIKE, SO CRACKISH, IT'S CRACKIER THAN COCAINE ITSELF. Heck, it might even be more crackish than pot, marijuana, and steroids put together... you've been warned.

* * *

Chapter 9: I Dare You to Tell Me the Truth

_That night…_

The rest of the day passed uneventfully, unless you count me telling Jiraiya that, if he didn't return my uh… _undergarments_, I would sacrifice him to Jashin and feed his corpse to Zetsu for breakfast, not caring if him disappearing would mess up the story.

Unfortunately, I burst out of the bathroom in only a towel when I declared that, so everyone in the vicinity had an insane nosebleed, including Sasuke, who was right in front of me. He passed out from blood loss after wards.

Before that, though, Sasuke seemed to have taken a liking to yours truly, for some unknown reason.

It's just like Hippolyta falling for Theseus, even though he defeated her and the Amazon army… or something like that… Shakespeare does have his odd little twists and turns.

I even overheard the duck butt haired-

'_Ok, every story we've read so far has some mentioning of' _

'_**Sasuke's hair style.' **_

'_**It is shaped like a duck's butt'**_

-teen ask Itachi what he knew about girls, I never figured that the avenger would talk to his murderer of an older brother like the siblings that they were. Itachi laughed at him and said,

"Foolish little brother, you still lack experience, don't you?"

I left, trying not to crack up.

Anyway, before that little chain of... episode-worthy _stuff_... we had fried rice for dinner, some sat in the living room, others in the dining, and Zetsu went outside, hunting for critters again.

I noticed that Sakura kept throwing hopeful glances at Sasuke so often it looked like she had a twitch or something.

'_Ha! Like she even has a chance!'_

'_**She's just looks wrong with everyone people pair her with…'**_

After the shower episode and waking Sasuke up with a splash of cold water to the face, Hidan suggested we do something for entertainment.

The first thing that popped into my mind and out of my mouth,

"Truth or Dare? It's simple enough, everyone just takes turns asking someone if they wanna be dared to do something or asked a question which they have to answer truthfully to."

Since no one else could come up with anything, that was it. Everyone jammed into the living room, and I somehow got stuck between the 2 Uchiha brothers on the couch.

_'Great, more tension…'_

After a few very complicated rounds of Rock, Paper, Scissors, Itachi confirming that he really was half-blind, Kisame demanding that Deidara lick Sasori with one of his hand mouths, and Sakura threatening to beat Orochimaru senseless if he didn't cough up his true feelings about Tsunade, it was Jiraiya's turn.

I knew I never should've brought up the idea of Truth or Dare, just trust the Perverted Sage to pervert things... literally.

He had this really disturbing smirk on his face the entire time we were playing the game-

**_'That can't mean anything good…'_**

-which led me to believe that he was scheming something… well... horny.

And sure enough, he turned to Sasuke and announced that me and said person were to act as a married couple for the next 12 hours.

The appointed guy sighed somewhat irritably, while I just sat there in shock. Finally I decided that, rather than be the subject of any more harassment, just call it quits and go to bed.

I had to ask both the neighbors for more futons, to which I received a few odd looks; they knew that there wasn't supposed to be anyone at my house while my parents were gone, but they didn't seem to care much and lent me 5 beds each.

I also had to convince Pein and Konan to let Tobi stay in their room… Hidan moved in with Deidara and Kakuzu, Itachi and Jiraiya downstairs with Kisame, Tsunade with Orochimaru and Sakura in my sister's room, and Sasuke was obviously bunking with me.

Just past 11, I felt the covers on my bed move, and I turn to face and punish the intruder.

Wait a minute... if Jiraiya said that me and Sasuke had to act like we're a married- oh crap. Oh crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap. No. Crapping. Way. Craaap.

Did he seriously he go so far as to make us sleep in the same freaking bed?

Crap.

_'Ok, that's enough of the crapping.'_

_**'Seconded.'**_

Anyway, since I didn't wanna be... well... to say the least, _ravished_, by anyone at the moment- well, other than possibly Sasuke, just 'cuz of the stupid dare -I quickly thought up some random question that only he should know.

I really don't think Pein would do so much as to use the Shape-Shifting technique on someone just to get me laid.

Sooo, going all the way back into the past, I dunno, 200-ish episodes, I finally stopped at... guess which one! Come on, guess! Yep, episode 101 of the original series.

After stretching, I slowly asked,

"Hm... what did you, Sakura, and Naruto do in several attempts to see Kakashi's face?"

There was silence for about 10 seconds, probably because Sasuke- if whoever this was really was him -hadn't thought about that in a while. Finally, he said,

"First, all 3 of us tried following him together, then one at a time, treating him to ramen, Naruto threw a kettle at him, the hot springs, dressing up as rogue ninjas, and ending with just flat out asking him to show us what was under the mask."

"Mm... fine..." and I moved over to one side, allowing Sasuke to crawl in next to me.

You would not believe how _bizarre_- for lack of a better word -it felt to have someone sleeping in the same bed as you, and the futon's only... what? 3 and a half feet wide? Talk about close quarters... I turned on my side with my back facing him. Less chances of...

_**'Less chances of what?'**_

_'I don't think she means anything safe by chances, Kira...'_

The closeness only increased when Uchiha boy _casually _turned so he was facing the same direction as me and draped his left arm over my waist.

Thank dear Jashin for the dark, 'cuz I was absolutely _positive_ that my face was red enough to rival the Akatsuki clouds. Heck, it might even be so red, it glowed. Heh, that'd be pretty cool... wait, no it wouldn't.

Anyway, when I woke up 'x' amount of time later, I was facing something not the wall or the ceiling, my hands and nose touching something very warm and smooth.

Oh no... nooooooooo... looking up from a (very nice) chest, I prepared to scream, but it never happened. Instead, I was captivated by... Sasuke Uchiha's sleeping face. So calm, and so... so... so... dare I say, "awesome"?

**_'Nooooooo!!!! You must not fall into the depths of fan girl Hell!!!!!!!!'_**

I could just barely make out his pointy hair in the dark, and was suddenly inhabited by an idea/question/whatever you wanna call it.

_'What does Sasuke's hair really feel like?'_

Like, it looks all sharp and stuff, but does it really feel like that? Only one way to find out...

Mustering all the courage I had, I inched my hand up past his shoulder, and to the back of his head. Scratching ever so lightly, I continued to moved my fingers over his scalp and through his surprisingly feathery (A/N: geddit? His hair is shaped like a duck butt? Ducks have feathers... 'feathery' hair? *snort* man, that was stupid...) locks.

I was brought back to Earth by his voice reaching me.

"Hm... g'morning..." he smirked down at me.

I blushed furiously and slowed my scritching, squeaking,

"'M-morning..."

I kept it up for another 3 minutes, my face returning to a bearable color, that is, until his hand started sliding up my shirt.

"H-hey! What are you doing?!" I whispered yelled, jerking my hand away from him and to the hem of my pajama top.

"What? There something wrong, _honey_?" he looked upset for a moment, but quickly changed to... affectionate sarcasm?

"You're going kind of fast, aren't you, _darling_?" I spat back, turning crimson in the process.

I didn't get a response except for a wider smirk, and stared up at my glow-in-the-dark star-covered ceiling.

_**'Oh yeah... time for your nightly observation of space'**_

I made to get up and out off bed, but was suddenly pulled back down, and snuggled into. Yes, _snuggled_ into.

Gasping and looking to my torso, there was the cool, guarded, elite Uchiha dude, with his face in my chest, and clinging to me like a child would to his mother.

"S-Sasuke! W-w-what are you doing?!"

He whimpered for a second, so quietly, I almost missed it, and explained in an equally childish voice,

"Don't leave me! You're warm! I'm cold!" and nuzzled farther in.

Kurenai, lover of Asuma, save me from the clutches of fainting, I beg of you.

Sasuke peered up at me, and- what the _heck_ was _that_?! Sasuke Uchiha, the most unemotional guy in the universe, next to his brother, _was giving me the puppy eyes look_. Coming from him, I don't think I could resist.

"Huh... fine..." I sighed, giving up.

"Yay!" he said, and rubbed his front _even farther_ into my own.

_'I refuse to pass out, I refuse to pass out, I refuse to pass out...'_

_**'Too late. *out cold*'**_

"Hm... so soft..." he whispered, yawning right after wards.

Oh. Dear. Masashi. Kishimoto. Sama. What did I do to deserve this?! If my face is not darker than Crayola's reddest red, I will turn yaoi fan girl and become anorexic.

"O-ok, but you should go to sleep now, ok?" I whispered back, pushing some of his hair away from his face, inwardly re-attempting to blow up Suna with a C3 clay bomb.

"M'kay..." he slowly nodded, but then added, "Don't I get a good night kiss?"

That totally threw me off guard. More than I already was.

"W-what?" I stared down at him, utterly shocked.

"Can I get a good night kiss?" he repeated.

_'Kushina, mother of Naruto, take me with you to wherever the heck it was that you disappeared to, 'cuz I swear on Hiruzen Sarutobi's grave, I will be escorted to the flames of Hell by Enma Ai if you don't.'_

"Oh... _kimi no tameni*_..." I sighed again and leaned down, lightly pecking his forehead.

"Aw, that's it?" Sasuke looked upset once more, but amusement was shining in his closer-to-black-than-yours eyes.

"Yes. And if you don't shut up within the next 2 seconds, you'll be sleeping on the couch tonight." I dismissed the topic.

"But-how-can-I-do-that-if-Kisame's-sleeping-on-it?" he said in the 2 seconds that I allowed him.

I didn't answer.

Sasuke didn't say anything either, he just lay his head back down-

_'Where's that Kekkei Genkai of Iwa that allows you to go kamikaze on yourself and everyone around you and create a 10 kilometer crater when you need it?!'_

-and went to sleep. Soon after, I did as well.

_-1 hour later-_

"Sasuke. _Sasuke._ **_Sasuke_**_._' I shook the adowable widdle boy awake and pulled him outside to the roof with me.

There's this platform that leads from there straight to the base of the roof and I walked along it, up the top of the house, and sat at the peak, looking at the night sky.

I came up here almost every night the weather would allow, just sitting there, watching the sky change throughout the year.

"W-what...?" he yawned the most fan-girl-symptom-inducing yawn, half asleep and clutching my shoulder.

"Look..." I pointed my finger to the sky, my other hand supporting Sasuke's waist.

It was amazingly clear for a night in July… the moon was as bright as the sun.

I liked being up here it when the weather was like this. A peace that surpasses understanding seems to take over me while I'm up here…

'_That was most excellent, dude_'

**_'You, tell 'em, Bill'_**

_'That I will, Ted'_

"What are we doing, all the way up here so late, huh?" he asked, nudging my bare shoulder with his own.

"Just watching" I didn't look away from the stars when I answered.

"Up here?"

"Yeah…"

"Hn…"

I giggled at this last "comment".

Almost every story I've read that has Sasuke in it has him say, "Hn" at least once.

"What are you laughing about?"

"Nothing…"

"Come on, no one randomly laughs when they look so peacef-" but stopped and turned light pink when he realized what he said.

I quietly giggled again and said,

"It's just that I never figured you'd say 'hn' in real life…" and turned back to the sky.

He looked at me thoughtfully for a while.

"You know… you're not like any of the other girls I've met… not even Hinata…"

I looked back at him-

'_Holy crap, he looks even awesomer in real life without a shirt on!!!' _

-silently prompting him to continue.

"You're not an annoyingly weak and rabid fan girl with great taste in guys, a stuttering weak stalker with jacked up taste, or an equally weak meatball headed tomboy with better taste…"

I laughed at this and agreed/contradicted,

"True, but Hinata seems to have lost her stutter, Sakura's become one of the best Medical ninjas in Konoha, Ino as her apprentice, and Ten-Ten has gotten a few girlish qualities over time. All of them have improved. Me? I'm just a nutty otaku with an unnatural obsession for you, your brother, and Deidara."

'**_What the heck? You like Sasuke, too?!'_**

At the mention of Itachi, he stiffened and looked at the sky for something to do. I looked up as well, and just barely saw a shooting star, before I felt Sasuke's lips on mine.

He had pulled my chin towards him, and pressed his mouth on my own.

Now, I haven't had my first kiss yet, but from some of what I've seen and read, this was kind of what I had expected it to be. Very gentle; not insanely passionate, like the 'I'm-gonna-snog-the-living-daylights-outta-you' ones from Harry Potter and whatnot.

I returned the kiss, and when he pulled away ever so slightly, I let go. He leaned back and looked back at the sky, saying,

"The Uchihas used to have this old tradition: when we saw a shooting star, we'd kiss the person dearest to us, for good luck with the relationship… I never did, though, because my parents always reached each other first and I didn't really like anyone…"

'_Ok, so if there were a meteor shower...'_

**'_I guess the Uchiha clan would be restarted a little earlier than scheduled...'_**

I blushed severely at what he said and did, and then my wits came back into play,

"Well, it was better than your first, right?"

He gave me this really adorable confused look, but it quickly changed to comical pain.

2 and a half years ago at the academy, on that fateful day, when that one kid unintentionally pushed Naruto from behind, causing him and Sasuke to have their first kiss. I laughed at him and assured him,

"Nah, it was only an accident, and Naruto wouldn't do that to you anyway."

Sasuke sighed and looked back at the moon, then said,

"Hey..."

"Hm?"

"I dare you to tell me the truth."

"What?"

"What do you think of me?"

I didn't bother asking him what he said; I heard him the first time.

"Mm... well... from what I can tell so far from the manga and anime, you're highly conceited, arrogant, and rude."

He looked very surprised at this answer, but quickly changed it back to unemotional.

"And, you're also an inconsiderate bastard who'll stop at nothing to get what he wants"

Sasuke seemed to wilt before me.

"But..."

He perked up slightly and let a small spark of hope shine in his dark eyes for a moment.

"That's what makes you endearing."

I think that was what hit him hardest.

He stared at me, then back at the sky, appearing to be thinking very hard about something.

Finally, he spoke.

"Uh… you don't mind uh… dating a guy that's uh… 6 months and 12 days younger than you… do you?"

I turned to face him, with no clue whatsoever as to why the freak he would ask me, an American (heck, he doesn't even know what that is) to go out with an _anime character_, but I replied with,

"No, but if it messes up the story, I'm gonna have to end it. So I guess we're... a dating married couple?"

He smirked and let what he just asked and what my answer was sink in, but seemed to think nothing more of it, because he put his arm around my middle, pulled me closer to him and said,

"Nah, I won't let it out when I'm on-screen or in the books… _sweetheart._"

I thought about this and set my cheek on Sasuke's shoulder, letting out a deep sigh of content. We stayed like that for another hour or so, talking about what he would do once we found a way to get everyone back.

I was careful not to let anything slip about him killing Orochimaru, forming Hebi and Taka, fighting Itachi, joining Madara or anything like that.

That would count as "messing up the story".

Once the conversation died, we walked down the roof and into my room, and-

_'Hey, this next part'll be kinda graphic, you wanna skip? I don't think you should..._'

Sasuke forced his mouth onto mine, gripping the small of my back and base of my neck tightly.

For a second I was severely shocked, but soon loosened up in his form, and increased the passionate kiss we shared.

**_'Are you trying to make me pass out again?'_**

_'Shuddup, I'm trying to watch, idiot.'_

He let go and began to trail more feral ones down my neck, each one harsher than the next.

Then he started to slide the straps of my tank top off my shoulders, nipping my collar bone at the same time.

Now, see, I have no experience with guys. Like, whatsoever. This was very new to me, and equally, if not more, frightening, by the suddenness of it.

Inhaling sharply, I jerked away, pulling my shirt on properly and panting.

Sasuke looked hurt and confused, letting his emotions get the better of him.

"N-no... d-don't... you're s-scaring me..." I whispered, keeping my distance.

Before I even knew what happened, he was holding me again, saying very softly,

"I'm... I'm sorry. I shouldn't have done that... so fast... I won't do it again. I'm sorry."

Realizing that his apology was genuine, I hugged him back, telling him it was ok, but he couldn't let that happen again.

He sighed, and trudged back to my bed, falling onto one side of it.

"Hey... try to get some sleep, ok?" I quietly said, curling up beside him.

Sasuke 'hn'-ed and wrapped the blankets more securely around the two of us.

The last thing I remembered before falling asleep was his lips on my forehead.

* * *

I told you it'd be crackier than cocaine.  
* _kimi no tameni_ means 'for your sake'.  
No flames, or you get Kamui.  
Deidara: and no, I don't think Kakuzu would be willing to stitch any of your body parts that got sucked into another dimension back on, yeah.  
Yeah. What he said.  
Thanks for reading! I can't guarantee how often the updates'll come, so... yeah.  
-InsaneNarutard0111


	11. The Cadet's Reasoning

*irritated sigh* I got... 2 reviews for my last chapter. Do you want me to update this thing or not? Whatever... here. Oh yeah, there's a note at the end of the chapter for you.

* * *

Chapter 10: The Cadet's Reasoning

_Sunday morning…_

I woke up to something poking me in the face.

Then I heard whatever it was that was poking me sigh, yank off the covers, and lift up the back of my shirt.

Then I felt something cold and wet and sliding up my back, making me straighten out and shriek loud enough to make the bats in North Carolina wake up upside down.

_'Oh, wait a minute, they do wake up upside down...'_

_**'Yeah, but-'**_

_'Oh never mind'_

"Whoa! Geez! You trying to make the dead rise or something, yeah?!"

I turned from a grimacing Sasuke to face a deafened Deidara, who had his hands over his ears and watching me like I was some subject of a nuclear experiment gone wrong.

"Oh, sorry Deidara… but in the future, please don't lick me…" I apologized, sitting up. I started my attempts to dry off the saliva that stuck to me, but sadly, no avail.

"Sorry, Sasuke..." I quietly told the guy who had groggily sat up next to me. I scritched his head for atonement.

"Sorry… but don't you have school today, yeah?" Deidara slowly removed his hands from the sides of his head, but keeping them ready if the need arose again.

"What?" I looked at my Naruto sticker covered alarm clock, then my awesome calendar-

_**'With the Akatsuki as the picture for this month'**_

-and told him,

"No, I don't, it's Sunday…" and gave up trying to wipe off the seemingly irremovable spit that Deidara's hand mouth just had to stick on me.

"Really? What's so different about today, un?" he decided that the danger had passed and sat down on the edge of my futon, receiving a glare from the Uchiha.

"It's just a break day, that's all..." I didn't really care about whatever day of the week it was, but some nagging feeling in the back of my head was telling me I was forgetting something important, and it was about today. The blonde looked at me thoughtfully-

_'Ok, now, I'm pretty sure Deidara's a pervert, 'cuz he's got those extra hand mouths, and who knows what he does with them…'_

_**'I didn't need an image of that, Kin…'**_

-and then said,

"Well, anyway, come on, I'm guessing everyone in the neighborhood is awake by now, 'cuz of your scream…" making me scowl at him, but I forgot about that when he pulled me up and out of my bed and into his arms.

_'Wait, what?'_

_**'Remember Sasuke?!'**_

Oh yeah. I quickly hugged him back, and told him I would be downstairs as soon as I had changed my clothes. Then I felt that same weird, wet feeling for the second time in less than 3 minutes.

Deidara's hand mouths were licking circles on the small of my back, their owner smirking his uh... pleasure.

'_Oh God, you know how wrong that sounds, right?'  
_

_**'Um... I think he's also smirking his victory at your "husband" behind you, and your "husband" is getting ready make sure Deidara sees an earlier death than he already did...'**  
_

My face turned a brilliant shade of scarlet and I jerked my shirt back down. He pouted cutely, but left (very reluctantly), and I stood in the middle of the room, holding my head and trying to figure out what I was going to do.

_'I can't have 3 different guys chasing after me_-_'_

but this was interrupted by the arrival of Sasuke's mouth, on mine.

When he let go, I just stared at him with a blank expression on my face, and noticed he was blushing probably more than I was.

He grinned this really childish grin at me, and I suddenly remembered what we agreed on earlier this morning.

I was now Sasuke Uchiha's official... what would you call it? Not girlfriend... not quite there yet... maybe... nah, paint it all orange and forget about it.

_'Oh boy.'_

_**'Does this mean that we get to rebuild the Uchiha clan with him?'**_

_'I dunno… holy crap.'_

_**'I just now realized…'**_

_**'We don't know anything about being a- uh... whatever you call it!'**_

Oh boy. Sure, we've read about stuff in other fan fiction, but that's fan fiction.

_'Fiction. Keyword right there.'_

True, we've also heard stuff around school, but that could just be a load of overcooked squash, for all we knew.

I gave him a meaningful look, which he took as the cue to leave me to change, but not before he quickly kissed my cheek, throwing in a,

"Good morning, my love…", and sauntered out of my room. I sighed at his retreating form, shut the door, and chose what I would be wearing for the day.

I still had that feeling that I was missing something, though… my back was still wet, no thanks to the living bomb that should be downstairs now.

As soon as I came out, I was greeted **_once again_** by Sasuke's lips meeting my own.

I quietly explained to him that he couldn't do that around everyone else, or more problems would come up. He looked rather dejected after that little lecture, but hey, we can't be snogging in public, can we?

At least, not around Deidara and Itachi… I failed to mention that part to him earlier, and I wasn't gonna do it now.

"Like, I know the dare thing from last night allows us to do that, but... could you just lay off for a little while? Please?"

_'No!!! Not the puppy dog look AGAIN!!!'_

_**'I swear, he could kill someone like that...'**_

After breakfast, we all crammed into the living room and discussed how we were gonna get these guys back to the ninja world. No one knew what to do, even that little kid of an old man, Madara, or the Hokage.

_'Duuude, we are in some serious fodder, here.'_

_**'We can't keep them hidden forever, that's impossible!'**_

_'True dat, true dat…'_

_**'*sigh*…'**_

After I got up to take everyone's dishes back to the sink, I discovered that there was only 10 minutes left to go 'till Jiraiya's (somehow helpful) dare wore off.

Sasuke seemed to notice this as well, and... heck, I bet that didn't really change anything at all, in his complicated little mind. He probably thinks that... nah, whatever. As long as it doesn't involve me having any kids before I'm at least 20 years old and married, I'm fine.

"So how'd last night go...?" the Pervy Sage waggled his eyebrows suggestively at me once I came back from the kitchen.

Tsunade snorted.

"Psh, judging from those marks on her neck, it was probably pretty wild..." she showed me with a compact mirror what she was talking about.

Gasping at was I saw, I was amazed that I didn't see it before.

Leading from the beginning of my jaw, past the middle of my throat, and ending at my collar bone, was a long and rather dark trail of bites and... kiss marks.

They only became more prominent by the red back-lighting they got from my insane blush.

"Geez, man, don't go restarting the Uchiha clan too early on us now!" Kisame laughed, slapping an equally red-faced Sasuke on the back.

"However, I don't doubt him for attempting to get in her ****-in' pants. If I was ****-in' allowed to, I'd do more than what he ****-in' did." Hidan claimed.

"Well, what's keeping you?" Kisame inquired, grinning a very sharp smile.

Hidan stole a glance at me, then explained,

"If I tried anything, she'd kill me... and she says she knows how to..." he said softly.

"What's your secret?" Kakuzu eagerly asked.

"I'm not saying." I replied simply.

Everyone 'aw-ed' and returned to watching Guu slice up her arm like sushi before Jiraiya brought up the subject of the previous night's... events.

"You want me to heal those for you... right?" Tsunade rhetorically guessed.

_'No duh, Dumbledore...'_

**_'Hm... the cadet's reasoning is logical...'_**

_'Oh shuddup, Spock...'_

Have I told you guys how annoying you are? Anyway, Sakura looked kinda... not so _genki_ after finding out that me and her crush had been "making out"-

_'Why the heck did you put "quotation marks"? You guys _were_ getting your freaks on...'_

**_'The cadet's reasoning is illogical. The male was "getting his freak on". Not the female.'_**

I hate both of you so much.

Then I realized that today was Sunday. That meant that tomorrow was Monday. A school day. Great. Now that these super awesome ninjas know that I have enemies, they aren't gonna let me go to school without any protection.

That sounded weird.

Whatever. And as if he had read my thoughts, Deidara asked me,

"Hey, you've got school tomorrow, yeah?"

That turned everyone's heads.

"She's not going there if she doesn't have someone with her." Itachi ordered.

I sighed.

"So... who's gonna go with her?" Orochimaru looked around the room.

"Sure as **** it ain't gonna be you." Hidan muttered.

And the funny thing was, they were talking about this right in front of me. Without even bringing myself into the conversation.

Once again, my mind was read.

"Why don't you ask her? She's the one you're trying to keep safe, right?" Pein suggested.

Everyone looked at me.

I sighed again.

"Can't this wait until later? I mean, it's not even lunchtime yet, and you're all freaking out over tomorrow." That stopped 'em in their tracks.

"And can I use the computer for a little bit? I've got homework I need to do." Grudgingly so, Kisame handed over my laptop, pausing the episode.

"Oh and Jiraiya, thanks for last night."

* * *

If you want faster updates, then you have to review.  
If I get to the point where I'll accept even flames, then I'll just use Katon: Hosenka no Jutsu, the Phoenix Immortal Fire technique, and delete this story.  
Kakashi: ouch.  
My point. If you want more chapters, then REVIEW. PLEASE.  
I know what my profile says. I hate incorrect spelling and grammar.  
However, if it's in a review, I'll live. Just tell me SOMETHING about this story.  
*agitated sigh*  
-InsaneNarutard0111


	12. 5x4 equals 20

Uh... here.

* * *

Chapter 11: 5x4=20

_Later that day…_

I still had that weird feeling that I was forgetting something, but set that aside and continued to do the geography homework that was due the next day.

I was also kind of fretting over what the ninjas downstairs were scheming up about me going to school.

_'Well, whatever, you gotta finish this stupid assignment.'_

Yeah, yeah, I know, I know... wait, which prefecture did the Kaguya-Hime legend come from?

**_'Uh... Ky__ōto, right?"_**

Gah, I'm straying from the story! Anyway...I had to dig out the food from the Forbidden Storage Room, so I could feed the growing number of Shinobi that were crashing at my place.

What's the Forbidden Storage Room, you ask?

Well... it's the back genkan that we never use, just 'cuz it's too troublesome to walk alllllll the way around to the back of the house just to get in, so we decided to stash a bunch of food in there for whenever our rations were depleted-

_'You sound like you're some Captain from Star Wars Battlefront or something...'_

Nah, stuff it... back to the F.S.R.. It's called 'Forbidden'- (yes, with the capital 'F', it's that important) -because we're only allowed to get food out of it when the situation requires it.

Which is not that often.

There's enough food in there to feed... ah... about 20 people, and for... a month, tops, give or take a few people or days.

The only really annoying thing is... that even thought the room itself is only about the size of a regular American front entryway, it's like a labyrinth in there. A really, really dangerous labyrinth.

After nearly crushing my foot under a huge jar of pickled plums, falling into an open box of powdered green tea, and being sucked into the dango reserves, I finally managed to find the ingredients I needed for chicken salad sandwiches**_._**

"Uh... what happened to you, yeah?" Deidara asked, looking me up and down after I crawled out of the F.S.R., barely alive.

"Hey, is that dango?" Itachi randomly showed up and picked some of the sticky rice off my cheek.

"Aw... weren't you gonna _kiss_ it off, Itachi?" Jiraiya popped out of nowhere as well and had a small book in hand, apparently taking notes on... something.

I just let my face fall to the floor, too tired to actually protest.

Deidara and Itachi decided to do that for me.

"You ok?" I didn't bother looking up, I already knew who it was from his voice.

"Yeah... I'll survive..." I dragged myself up and scrubbed my face off over the sink.

Looking at Sasuke's reflection in the mirror, I inwardly prepared bite off Shank's left arm for what I was about to ask next.

"... why do you care so much... about me?"

Silence.

_'*irritated sigh* this guy is too quiet...'_

"... why shouldn't I?"

Gah, not the short responses!!!

"I asked first."

Again, silence.

"Because-"

"Oi! Are you gonna make lunch or not?" Kisame yelled from the living room.

"Hey! I could easily give away every secret you never wanted anyone to know, Fish-Face!" I barked back, stalking into the kitchen.

"Oh yeah? You got nothing on me, Shrimp!" he claimed, Hidan nudging him in the ribs, quickly advising him to stop talking, or hell would come to earth before he even knew what hit him.

"Don't be so sure, Sharkzilla! I could easily let it slip to these here Leaf dudes how every single one of your Jutsus work! Or would you rather I tell them where each and every one of your guys' hideouts are, hm?"

I knew I had him beat. And the rest of the Akatsuki.

Sasuke smirked, then pulled me in front of him, nuzzling his nose in my hair, murmuring, "Smart girl...", making me blush profusely.

Said Uchiha's stomach growled.

I sighed, slid out of his arms, and made lunch for everyone.

That stupid 'you're-forgetting-something-that-shouldn't-be-forgotten' feeling was still lingering.

After watching Konata totally own 2 random dudes in a video game and a bunch of other otaku-worthy stuff, I checked the clock.

**_'Hm... 2 minutes till the next group of ninjas come in...'_**

I had finally gotten to the point where I could anticipate their arrivals. Strolling down to the river bank, I waited for about 30 seconds, and then it happened.

"Dang it, where the heck are we?!" A certain blond yelled.

"Naruto-Kun, you shouldn't make so much noise" One that looked so much like Sasuke, yet so different, commented.

Another with prematurely aged hair, mask covering half of his face, and forehead protector hiding a transplanted Kekkei Genkai added, "I agree with Sai, Naruto."

The first one yelled back,

"Why do you always side with Sai, Kakashi-Sensei?!"

The second coolly replied with,

"Because, I at least I have a-" but was cut off by Naruto attempting to punch him.

Then sand shifted and an almost-exact copy of Sasori commanding,

"Stop"

"Huh? How come you're here, Gaara?"

"Naruto, why can't you use the correct formality? It's _Kazekage-Sama_."

"Aw, Captain Yamato, why do you always have to complain about everything that I do?"

"Uh… hi?" I started.

Naruto, Sai, Kakashi, Gaara, and Yamato all looked at me, next at Tsunade, Sakura, and Jiraiya, then at the Akatsuki, and finally stopping at Orochimaru and Sasuke.

"Sasuke!!! You're coming back to Konoha!!!" Naruto declared and charged and him, who easily stepped aside, allowing Naruto to run straight into a tree.

"Naruto, you idiot!" Sakura screeched, at the same time punching him farther into the poor tree.

Kakashi sighed and pulled out his Icha-Icha book.

Gaara and Deidara had a glaring contest.

The same was happening with Sasuke and Sai.

Orochimaru was also staring at Yamato-

_'Not like that, you dolts' _

-the latter ignoring his uh... experimenter. Or however the heck you'd say that.

Naruto was still being drilled into what was left of the tree by Sakura.

I poked Yamato in the side, making him yelp, waking everyone else up from their trances.

I started explaining to them that all the people here were somehow transported from their world to here. It took a while for the newbies to believe me, but I think the message came clear.

In the middle of my little speech, though, Sai randomly pointed to my neck and asked,

"Are those hickeys?" making me squeak and turn red.

'_Oh yeah, one of those was from Tobi, wasn't it? And wasn't Tsunade supposed to heal those for you?'_

**_'Yeah, but I don't like the looks you're getting from Sasuke, Itachi, and Deidara…'_**

I suddenly grabbed several kunai and shuriken out of Sakura's weapon pouch, just 'cuz she was the closest, and threw a bunch at Madara, who easily dodged them. I continued my attempts to hit him, most of my borrowed equipment were embedded in the surrounding trees, though not before passing through my target.

Him and his stupid Jutsu… between each lunge, I yelled,

"You- idiotic- insolent- incompetent- contemptuous- conceited- cocky- arrogant- derisive- scornful- impudent- impertinent- inconsiderate- _pedophile! _You- always- always- _always- _think- you can do- whatever- the freak- you- feel like- just- because- you- have- power! Your- horrible- filthy_- disgusting_- power! Don't- you ever- _ever- _touch- another- person- like that- ever- again!"

Eventually, my supply had run out, and I stood there panting, my annoyance at the amazingly childish ninja mostly tided over. Everyone else was just staring at us, wondering why I had just attacked who most of them believed to be Tobi.

I stood up straight, hoisted a cheerful expression onto my face, and held my arms out to him, using the universal signal for, "glomp me!"

Of course, the fool obliged, and just before he reached me, I dropped my happy act threw a shuriken at him. I had kept one hidden, just in case, and there was no way he would be able to elude it or let it phase through. I had just stuck it in his mask.

I walked away from him, plainly stating,

"I just said, 'you are not to touch another person like that again', didn't I?"

Mostly everyone else followed me back to the house, still wondering why the heck what happened, just did. Tobi turned to Itachi and asked him with that stupid little voice of his,

"Itachi-Senpai! Can you help me take out this shuriken please?"

Itachi-

**_'Bless his poor diseased little heart'_**

- turned to face him, pulled out the star, and made it look like he was going to stick it in his own weapons pouch. Then he threw straight back into Madara's mask, yelling,

"Stay away from _my_ Hikari-Chan!!!"

Then Deidara just had to bark back,

"What the **** are you talking about, Uchiha-Teme?! Hikari's mine!" and yanked me to his side.

Then Sasuke just had to join in on the "fun" by proclaiming,

"All of you! I swear, if any of you touches _my girlfriend _Hikari, I _will_ kill you."

He had the scariest look on his face when he said that, and it was only emphasized by him pointing his katana at everyone ninja there. I sighed and pulled myself out of Deidara's bizarre grip, I call it 'bizarre' because his hand mouth was attempting to mark my arm as well.

I'll have to get Tsunade to heal that for me later… and the others she was _supposed _to.

"Oh yeah, nice proposal there, Sasuke."

* * *

Neh... this chapter kinda sucked... *sniff* I'm losing my touch! It's ok if you agree with me, but if you flame me, and I'll use Ranton: Rankiryu, Storm release: Demon Dragon Storm on you.  
Darui: OD...  
... my point. Oh yeah, I'm glad that _some_ people read the note I left in the last chapter... I expect that for each one I update with.  
Thank you for reading!  
-InsaneNarutard0111


	13. I'm Cosplaying from a Different Anime?

Uh... yeah. Crap, I gotta get rid of this stupid D.S.I.... Deidara's Speech Impediment. I've been infected with it. Oh well. Here you go.

* * *

Chapter 12: I'm Cosplaying from a Different Anime?

I had a headache.

_**'Naruto… is officially… the most…**__'_

_'Annoying… _idiot_ in the universe.'_

As soon as he had stepped through the living room door, his mouth just shot off.

"Hey, what's that?"

"Cool, what's this thing do?"

"Whoa, how's this thing work?"

After the 5th or 6th question, I couldn't take it anymore. Apparently, neither could anyone else. Kakashi did the honors of poking him in the neck, making the blonde pass out.

"*sigh*… thank you…" I murmured, massaging my temples. Everyone seemed to be thinking along the same lines.

"See why I left?" Sasuke said, shaking his head.

"Sheesh, yeah… he was like that when he was born, too…" Jiraiya added.

"Let's just hope he's not like that when we Seal him…" Kakuzu muttered to Kisame, who smirked behind his collar.

"Ok, so does anyone have any guesses on how we got here?" Yamato asked, looking around the room, which was, interestingly enough, separated by the good guys on the right and the bad guys on the left.

"OOH! Tobi has an idea!!!" The imbecile exclaimed, jumping up and down and nearly slapping Hidan, who started swearing at the top of his lungs.

"OK, OK, JUST SHUDDUP!!" I yelled at both of them, and probably busting Itachi's eardrums for the second time.

_'Nah, he had it coming to him, the freaking-_'

Will you guys shut up? Anyway, Zetsu glared at Tobi, who visibly shrank after about 2 seconds of being under the cannibal's gaze.

"Please continue, Tobi" I calmly prompted him.

"Well… what if someone did a super, ultra, mega, lightning Jutsu something or other, and it moved all of us, who you say are the main characters of this so-called "Naruto" thing, to here?" He paused, allowing us to let this new concept sink in.

"You know, there is a possibility. You never can tell when some anonymous weirdo is just waiting for all the important people to randomly disappear and then take control" Sai figured.

"Well, who do we know that was or still is a mad scientist waiting to conquer the world?!" Naruto yelled, jumping up from the floor, where we left him after Kakashi knocked him out.

"Danzō…" Tsunade growled to herself.

Everyone looked at Orochimaru, who raised his hands like a criminal caught red-handed, backed up, and claimed,

"Hey, I gave up on the whole experimentation thing a long time ago!"

Sasuke faked a cough, throwing in a not-so-discreet, "Liar!"

The Akatsuki and Sannin looked at Pein, who gave them the 'what-did-I-do?' look.

"Sealed any Jinchūriki lately?" Gaara deadpanned.

"Oh yeah, that reminds me, we need to do the 2 Tails eventually…" Konan murmured, apparently in deep thought.

"Ok, well, aside from that, we know Orochimaru is still active in his little mutating… excursions, and I'm not gonna spill anything on Pein or Danzō except for the fact that-"

"One has 11 Sharingan, including Shisui Uchiha's, and Wood Release…" Orochimaru mumbled indistinctly.

"-one can Seal Tailed Demon containers and the other is an insane liar and wanna-be-dictator that will eventually die." I explained. The 'eventually die' part was in English.

"What about Kabuto? What happened to him?" Sakura asked.

"The last time we saw him was… at the Tenchi Bridge, right?" Sai continued.

"I don't know, or really care at the moment-"

_'Even though he can do that one really cool Jutsu that allows him to summon the souls of-'_

_**'Nagato, Kakuzu, Deidara, Sasori, and Itachi…'**_

"-but what we need to worry about is…" I stood up and walked to the front of the room. "HOW THE HECK AM I GONNA TAKE CARE OF ALL YOU GUYS?!"

Everyone stared at me.

"Oh well. I'll survive." I dismissed the topic and sat back down.

"What the **** was _that_ about?" Hidan muttered to Sakura, who shrugged.

"Uh… anyway, what are we gonna do about you going to school tomorrow?" Pein started.

I sighed irritably.

"We-e-e-e-ell… if you guys are _that_ worried about my well being, then I guess… oh. I got an idea." I looked at each of the ninja seated around the room.

"Ok… I need… Sasori" Motioning for him to follow me towards the door, I dragged Sasori up to my room and dug out the guy's summer uniform I had Cosplayed in last summer for Comiket.

"Uh… why do you have a male's school uniform in your closet? Wait, you aren't-"

"No, I am not a cross-dresser. I have this thing for otaku reasons only. Try it on." I handed it to him after dusting it off.

He just looked at it.

"What's wrong? Too small?" I looked him up and down, but he barked over his shoulder and down the stairs,

"OI! DEIDARA! Get your blond butt up here! And bring the wrench with you!"

"What-" I started, but Sasori silenced me with a finger and started unbuttoning his cloak, checking that it didn't get caught on any hinges.

_**'Oh yeah. Hinges. He's a puppet.'**_

_'No kidding, Kirk…'_

3 seconds later, Deidara showed up, a wrench in hand, and began unscrewing the bolts that held on the scrolls on his senpai's back.

Said puppet took the tool from his kōhai*and took off the propellers attached to his hips.

"Uh… what- er, _where _should we put those…?" I pointed to the weapons he continued to slide off his body.

"Huh? Oh these? Nah, don't worry about them, yeah. Danna always has some random scroll that's got the Jutsu to Seal and un-Seal these things, un" Deidara answered.

"Yes, I do… here we go…" Sasori took out a small scroll, laid it out, formed the Hand Seals, said the phrase, and everything that he had just removed from his person disappeared in a puff of smoke. A small slab of smooth wood that was the same size as the cavity in his middle popped into existence after wards.

He picked it up and set it in its place, then held out his hand for the uniform.

After giving it to him, Deidara asked no one in particular,

"Why does Danna get to go with you?"

"Because, you _fool_, you and everyone else downstairs would stand out too much." Sasori curtly explained, slipping on the pure white shirt.

"Well, what about that one guy that looks like Itachi-Teme's little brother, yeah?" other inquired, rather hurt by his higher-up's insult.

_'Did you notice that he refused to acknowledge the fact that you and Sasuke are…?'_

Yes, I did.

"Well, if you know Sai that way I do… you wouldn't wanna hang around him too much…" I told him.

"Why? What's wrong with him?" Sasori questioned, pulling on the dark blue pants.

"He's kinda… perverted. No, scratch that. He _is_ perverted." I corrected myself, intentionally glaring at the door.

_'You know, it's not like there's anything to see. He's a freaking puppet, for Jūbi's sake.'_

_**'Yeah, but still, it's rude to gawk.'**_

True. Anyway, Sasori gave the ok, and- whoa. He looked just like one of those super hawt dudes straight out of a high school anime.

_'I believe the time is due for an insane nosebleed.'_

_**'We are on in 3... 2... 1... go.'**_

I grabbed a bunch of tissues and held them under my nose, trying not to stare too hard, while Deidara just sulked at my reaction.

The Palmtop Tiger started beating the crap out of my mind for thinking the way I did, but hey- Sasori looked irresistibly _awesome_ in the dude's summer sailor uniform, and the blood spurting from my head was enough to prove it.

"You'd better take it off before Hii-Chan dies of blood loss, Danna, yeah." Deidara muttered.

"Wait. Before you do that…" I found my Akatsuki cloud sticker-covered camera and snapped a picture of the red head, then dashed down the stairs and to the bathroom to staunch my nosebleed.

"What did they do to you?!" Sasuke demanded, appearing in the doorway.

"Huh? Oh, nothing, I just walked into a wall on my way down the stairs." I lied through the washcloth covering the lower half of my face.

"Hn…"

Guess what he did after that.

"... would you kindly remove your hands from under my shirt and your mouth from my neck? Tsunade doesn't need another injury to heal, _boy_."

* * *

*'kōhai' is the exact opposite of 'senpai'. You know how Tobi calls Deidara "Deidara-Senpai!!!"? Yeah, Japanese students don't normally call lower-ranking kids "whatever-your-name-is - Kōhai". It's kinda rude. But yeah, just some random trivia for ya.  
Oh, and Comiket is like a con in the States, only not. If you don't totally get it, watch whatever episode of Lucky Star that it was that Konata took Kagami and Tsukasa to a Comiket gathering. It's insane, but awesome.  
Hm... what do you think? Yeah, crack, but... whatever.  
Nooo! I'm losing my touch!!! You are free to agree with me, but if I receive any flames, I will imprison them and the sender(s) in Kongō Rōheki, Adamantine Prison Wall.  
Hashirama, Hiruzen, and Enma: duuude...  
Yeah. Thanks for reading!  
-InsaneNarutard0111


	14. Of Birds and Bees

Er...

WARNING: THIS CHAPTER WILL VERY CRAK! SO CRAK, I HAD TO SPELL 'CRACK' WRONG TWICE! OOC UCHIHA BROTHERS! And slight references of the Bird and Bees thing...

Enjoy!

* * *

Chapter 13: Of Birds and Bees

Once my face had stopped running blood like a faucet-

_**'That was broken in half…'**_

-Pein and the others approved of my "bodyguard" choice -

_'That sounds kinda… wrong'_

-Sasori changed out of the uniform, and continued to catch up on the Naruto manga that I allowed him.

I decided that that stupid 'you're forgetting something really important' feeling was referring to tomorrow.

After dinner, I subtly hinted to Yamato that he should do the Four Pillars House technique in the empty lot by the riverside where everyone first showed up.

"Hm… I'm running out of room here… and beds… crap, what am I gonna do now?" I muttered out loud, hoping that he'd pick up what I was hoping he'd do.

"Hey, Captain Yamato! You remember that cool Jutsu thing you did in the middle of the forest after Sakura-Chan totally creamed that Sasori guy?" Naruto yelled, not noticing that the 'Sasori guy Sakura-Chan totally creamed' didn't look too pleased about being referred to in that manner.

"Naruto-Kun, Captain Yamato did more than one 'cool Jutsu' in the forest that time. Could you be a little more specific?" Sai asked, leaning against the hall door.

"You know! That one where he made that huge house come up outta the middle of the ground? The one where we spent the night in, planning on how to meet up with Kabuto? That one!" The energetic blond spread his hands out for emphasis, nearly cracking Kisame's nose.

"Oh… that one… yeah… well, if I must…" And Yamato, A.K.A. Tenzō, walked outside to the spot behind my backyard and formed the Hand Seals.

_"Mokuton: Shichūka no Jutsu!" _

Immediately, the roots from the surrounding trees and other plants shot out of the earth, and merged together, forming a large "house" with the Konoha leaf above the entryway.

"Hm… not bad, Te- I mean, Yamato." Kakashi stared up at the structure, looking mildly impressed.

"This is the normal size… you think I should put the Seals around it, Kakashi-Senpai?" His-

_**'Don't call him kōhai!'**_

-ok, ok, his uh… _colleague_, there we go, wondered out loud.

"Nah, you'll be fine. The only things you'll need to worry about are the boars and possibly monkeys that sometimes hang around here…" I strolled up beside the 2 ANBU and former agents.

"What? **The boars, you idiot, the boars! **Oh..." Zetsu appeared between me and Kakashi, something that looked a lot like a piggy corpse hanging from his mouth.

"Oh- that is _sick,_ man! Go eat that thing somewhere else!" Sasuke came from behind, and shooed the feasting plant type thing away.

"Sorry about that… come on inside, Hikari, everyone wants to know what the plan for tonight is."

It was more of an order, and Sasuke just kinda… dragged me back to my own house.

"Ok… so we currently have 20 futons, and we have… how many? One, two, fourteen… 20 people. So… I guess everyone gets a bed, and whoever's on the couch, and Pein and Konan are sharing my parents', yeah?" I recounted the group of ninjas stuffed into the living and dining rooms, just to make sure.

"And Zetsu is… outside, watching out for whatever, right?" Itachi clarified.

Said… _unique _Shinobi, for lack of a better word, disappeared through the floor and poked out of the maple tree next to the genkan.

"Can I stay with you?"

"What?" Did I hear him right?

Sasuke repeated the question, and even threw in his evil Puppy Eyes no Jutsu for effect.

"Why…?" I was getting weaker by the second, due to his Forbidden technique that he had initiated so amazingly.

"Yeah, why, un?" Deidara jerked me onto his lap, nearly crushing my middle with how hard he was holding it.

"Because, you _fool_, she's mine, and I intend for it stay that way." Sasuke spat back, yanking me off the blond and up to my room.

Deidara looked about ready to burst into a waterfall of anime tears for being called 'fool' twice in less than 3 hours.

"Hey… Sasuke?"

"Yes?"

"Uh… it's only 8 o'clock… why'd you bring me up here so early?" I felt around for the light switch, then flicked it on once I found it.

The Missing Nin standing in front of me winced from the sudden change of brightness, then turned slightly pink and suddenly found the wood floor very interesting.

"Well…?"

He didn't say anything for about 5 seconds. I swear, those were the longest 5 seconds in the universe.

"… because… I don't like those 2 guys downstairs…"

Slap me with a salmon, there's like, 15 guys downstairs! Give or take a few…

"Which ones?"

"… the one with red hair- not Gaara, and the guy that looks like Ino…"

"What about them? I don't think there's anything wrong with Sasori and Deidara…" I slid down the door and sat against it.

"M… I don't like the way the blond looks at you, and how he… you know… _touches _you… and why are you taking Sasori to school with you?"

Unknown emotion 58-203.43T flashed across Sasuke's face.

_'Really? I thought it was more like 38-493.21W…'_

Shut up. He sat down as well and continued to stare at the floor.

"Sasori's coming with me because he'd stand out the least, aside from his non-Japanese hair color. Plus, the uniform fits him. And Deidara? Neh, I get looks like that all the time from the guys at school. I'm ok with it. they know not to mess with the big, bad American banchō*." I shrugged.

Sasuke laughed a little at the description I gave myself.

"You? A banchō? Are you serious?" He looked up at me, a teasing light shining in his dark gray eyes.

"Yeah, sure, why not?"

"You're too soft to be one… literally…" He scooted forward, turned to face the roof, and leaned back so his head was resting in my chest, and his body lying between my knees.

_'I fear for your... "innocence"... that is, if your sicko mind hasn't already taken it.'_

**_'He called us soft!'_**

Blushing a(n un-)healthy shade of crimson, I looked up at the ceiling, and focused on not passing out from the randomness of it all.

Sasuke sighed.

_'Nope, that's it. I'm outta here. *catches the next train to Tom and Jerry*'  
_  
Good riddance...

"So I take it I'm sleeping with you tonight?"

"WHAT?!" I stared down in horror at the guy who was currently lounging on me- crap that sounded even worse than what he said!

"What? There something wrong with that?" He raised a thin eyebrow at my reaction.

"Do you realize what you just said?!" I slid out from underneath him- crap, that was _terrible!_ My disgusting mind is destroying me! AGH!

"Uh... no?"

I said nothing as I ripped open the door and tore down the stairs and into Itachi's arms.

"Your brother! Your brother! Kakashi, Jiraiya, and Sai have rubbed off onto him! Save me!" I cried hysterically into his cloak.

"What did Sasuke do?! Tell me!" His voice sounded... hm, I can't find a word for it.

**_'I guess that's number... 73-207.45R, yeah?'_**

Like, a mix of panic, surprise, and annoyance... or something.

Anyway, a Shadow Clone shot upstairs and dealt with the offender while the original Itachi just held onto my shaking form, not exactly sure what he should do.

7 minutes later, Sasuke came down, looking very... I didn't know what it was, so I settled for 'ashamed'.

The real Itachi had me sitting on his knees and laugh- wait. Itachi Uchiha doesn't laugh. Ok, so a weird sound came out of him and he explained what had happened between them.

How he explained it was interesting. He made a Hand Seal and poked my forehead, not unlike the way he used to Sasuke, sending me into a Genjutsu.

_-In the world of Itachi Uchiha-_

Itachi sat across from his little brother on the floor.

"Sasuke" He started, "I believe now is the time that you learn what happens when a man and a woman-"

Sasuke cut him off.

"Yeah, yeah, I know, they-"

"No, you don't know. Or you shouldn't, anyway. What you just told Hikari-Chan implied the complete opposite of what you intended. Or it should have been." Itachi nodded and crossed his arms like he was an expert on the matter.

Then again, he probably was.

"Ok... so what exactly are you gonna tell me?" Sasuke began acting like the Azumanga Daioh girls listening to Nyamo-Sensei during Summer break at Chiyo's vacation house, eyes open wide and giving his older bro his utmost attention.

Itachi began his lecture about-

**_'I don't think it's necessary that you elaborate___**** on what exactly it was that he was teaching Sasuke...'**

_-Real time-_

"You have GOT to be kidding me. You didn't know that happens?" Jiraiya's jaw was on the floor, and he was staring at Sasuke like he had grown a 3rd Sharingan.

"Well... I knew the basics, I just didn't quite understand the details..." Sasuke's sentence drifted off into nothingness and he shuffled behind Gaara.

"****, boy, even I know what goes on, and I'm not even ****-in' allowed to do it!" the Jashinist guffawed.

"So... how do you know if you haven't even done it?" Sai cocked his head to the side.

Hidan didn't tell. Nobody really cared, either. They just continued to watch Conan get sealed into a kid's body.

I had a slight headache due to the light Genjutsu I had just gone through, and decided to retire for the night.

"I've got school tomorrow... good night guys... oh, and Sasori, be ready to go at like, 7:45 or so..."

* * *

* if you watch Minami-Ke, then you should know what a banchō is. It loosely translates into 'bad ass' or something like that. Yeah... uh... I'm guessing that every Japanese public school has one, I could be wrong, it's just a wild guess.  
If you flame me, I will Utakata you!  
Utakata: what?  
No, not the Jinchūriki Utakata, I mean the Genjutsu that Itachi used on Naruto at the beginning of the Shippuden.  
Itachi, Naruto, and Utakata: oh, that one...  
Yes, that one. Thanks for reading! Reviews mean faster updates!  
-InsaneNarutard0111


	15. I Got No Strings on Me

Ok... this chapter is gonna be... weird. That's all I'm gonna say. Yeah...

* * *

Chapter 14: I Got No Strings on Me

_-Monday morning-_

_**'Why is Sasuke in the same bed as you?'**_

_'Don't question it, man!'_

I turned over and found the little rascal lying there, snuggled under the blankets and sleeping soundly.

A small smile formed on my face, and I reached over to scritch his head.

"Morning sunshine..."

He slowly opened his eyes and almost purred in enjoyment at the attention he was getting.

"What time did you come in last night?" I repeatedly slid my fingers through his hair.

"Around 2 in the morning... you didn't seem to notice when I crawled in beside you..." Sasuke leaned down and licked my bottom lip.

"Hm... you can't seem to get enough of me, can you?" I whispered, after catching his mouth with my own.

Pulling me on top of him he lowly murmured, "You state the obvious."

"My, my... just what has your older brother taught you, hm?" I quietly laughed at the thought of Itachi standing in front of a black board covered in numerous charts and pictures describing each of the human body parts and every possible function it offered, with Sasuke sitting at a desk behind him and taking notes.

He nibbled on my earlobe and said, "Oh, all sorts of _fun_ things for us to do..." and shivered as I traced his Cursed Seal mark with my tongue.

"M...? As much as I'd like to, I have to get ready for school. Maybe later..." I pulled back.

"No~!" he lost the husky voice and switched it out for a whiny, child-like one, "Just a few more minutes!"

"I'm sorry, I really am, but I have to start getting ready now, or I'll be late" I climbed off him, "Not to mention the fact that I already killed the mood."

"Well, that is true..." he admitted, sitting up.

I stood up and stretched at the foot of the bed, then felt someone watching me. I turned to look at Sasuke, who was just staring up at me, a dream-like expression taking over his sharp features.

I blushed and covered my chest_, _and muttered, "H-hey, I need to get ready..."

"I know..." He made himself comfortable, then said, "Continue."

"Get out..." I dragged him past the door and shut it in his laughing face.

5 minutes later, I came out and saw Sasuke sitting against the hall closet. He looked up and froze.

"What? Is there something wrong?" I checked my sailor uniform for any stains or wrinkles.

"Sorry." He ran into my room and stuffed a bunch of tissues under his nose. They were quickly stained red.

I turned crimson and went downstairs, saying a quick, "I'm going now..." and got back a muffled, "Have fun"._  
_

"Sasori, you ready?" I called from the kitchen doorway.

"Yes… is it ok if I bring a couple of these to school with me?"

I looked farther in, and there he was, dressed in the "fake" uniform and reading some random issue of Naruto manga, stacks upon stacks of other volumes forming a little fortress around him on the table.

"Er… yeah… sure, that's fine… uh, how long have you been sitting there like that?" I walked up beside him, and started reading over his shoulder whatever it was that he found so interesting.

"Hm… since you went to bed last night. I take it we're leaving now?" Sasori stood up, book still in hand, picked up a few more and slipped them into the school bag I had set beside him, and maneuvered his way around the chairs that were strewn around the dining room, out to the genkan.

I snuck into my parents' bedroom and left a sticky note on Pein's forehead that had directions on how to work some of the stuff in the house, like the hot water heater, which light switch controlled what, and that Kisame was in charge of the computer.

After nearly losing my foot to a stray sleeping- or hopefully sleeping -Tobi, I handed a pair of black dress shoes to Sasori, and he put those on while reading about-

"You weren't kidding when you said that that Sai kid was perverted…" the puppet said, following me out the door.

"What? Lemmee see…" I looked at the page, trying to find where it was he was talking about, and started down the road.

_'*imitates Sai* "So you do have… "equipment"…"_

_**'That's sick.'**_

"Oh, yeah, that's why I chose you over him, 'cuz he'd just get me in trouble." I tugged on Sasori's sleeve, guiding him to the left.

He remained silent as we wound our way out of the neighborhood.

Once we reached the Ginza*, however, he put away the book and made sure to stick close to me.

I started explaining what they did at my school; how the teachers were; what their teaching styles were; who and what to look out for; and discipline.

"Ok, I think that's it… any questions?"

We were passing by the 7 Eleven at that moment.

"Hm... yes. Are you sure you're allowed to wear those?" He eyed my Deva Path style piercings.

_'All that's left is the lip points and nose studs!'_

_**'And the 2 longer spikes that go through his ears…'**_

"Oh, these? Uh… they don't seem to care, 'cuz of my status as a foreigner… or maybe they're too scared 'cuz I'm just creepy like that… I dunno. I haven't gotten in trouble yet, so I'm not worried." I waved the matter away.

He said nothing as we came up to Karuizawa High School.

After getting him a 3 day pass for an outsider to come in, I led him down the halls and to my classroom.

So far, so good.

Along the way, a lot of kids stopped to stare at, one: the amount of metal rings I had in my ears-

_'Oh, come on, it's only like, 12 piercings all together!'_

_**'Plus, they've all seen them before…'**_

-two: the new guy I had trailing behind me-

_'What, they've never seen another human being before?'_

_**'He's a puppet, **__Kin__**, a puppet.'**_

-and three: the new guy's red-

_'And totally awe-'_

-WILL YOU GUYS SHUT THE FREAKING HECK UP?!

Yes, they were staring at Sasori's brick red hair. Big deal.

I didn't see the… the… the… ok, dang it, whatever, I'll just call them the sluts. Yeah, I didn't see them anywhere, so I supposed I was ok for the time being.

During Homeroom, some random girls from some random class came in and asked- wait, no, they _demanded_ that I introduce them to the cool silent dude sitting beside me.

All they got was my perfected Uchiha glare.

"Itachi teach you how to do that?" He inquired after they had left, whispering to each other something about "scary Americans" or whatever.

"Nah" I said, dropping the act, "I picked it up from his little brother after seeing him crucify Deidara with it a couple times."

"Ah… you do it well… or they're just amazingly easy to manipulate. Either one." He shrugged and went back to reading.

As the class was getting ready to start, the teacher wanted me to tell everyone who "the young man with red hair sitting next to me" was.

"Why does everyone here seem to refer to me as "the guy with red hair"?" He wondered out loud on the way up.

"Because, not too many people in Japan have that specific hair color" I explained, "and I have red streaks in mine 'cuz I'm awesome like that, so there."

I flashed a smug grin at him before beginning, "Ok, this is Akasuna Sasori-"

"'Akasuna'? What the heck?" He gave me the 'what-no-_why_-the-freak-are-you-calling-me-by-my-nickname?' look.

"Shut up and let me finish, ok, Mr. Marionette Ninja? Anyway, yeah, he's… 15 years old-"

"I'm 35-"

"Ok, how many 35 year olds go to _high school_, hm? And besides, your birthday's in November, so you'll be getting older soon. _Plus_, you're a genius, so it's alright for you to skip a grade or two. And stop interrupting me!" I shot him an Uchiha glare to get the point across.

"He's from… what prefecture are you from? Uh… Saitama*¹ prefecture, and he's just staying with me for a little but while his _parents_-" I put extra emphasis on 'parents' just to make him upset, "go out to meet a man by the name of _Hatake Sakumo_."

"I hate you. I hate you so much. Do you know how much I hate you? 'Cuz I really, really hate you." He growled into my ear, sitting down at his desk.

"Hey, all's fair in school and Naruto." I simply told him, taking my seat as well.

"Quiet down back there" the teacher called from up front.

"Yes, Sensei…" we both muttered.

Sasori continued to ignore me the rest of the day, only speaking when required to, but other than that, I was invisible again.

However, that all changed when we were going back to the classroom after lunch.

_Le Sluts_ were slithering down the same hall as us, and just happened to spot the super hot newbie at my side.

Now see, these three idiots were notorious play girls, if what they did even qualified as "playing". Just jumping from one guy to another, never actually settling down with one for more than 10 days. It wasn't uncommon to see them one day with one dude, then the next day, someone different. I sighed irritably.

On the left, Yuki Tokasu*²: short for 16 years old, only around 5 feet, has some weight on her, shoulder blade length black-dyed-blonde hair, and _supposedly_, the smartest of the group, yet nowhere near _Naruto's _level of intelligence, and Naruto's not the greatest genius in the world.

The right, Tanso Nisanka*³: slightly tall for a Japanese person, or at least, I think it is, about 5' 4", but she only comes to my eyes, and I ain't no Kisame-

_**'But you're still taller than her!'**_

-she has dark brown waist length hair, and the strongest of the 3. She did the most damage to me during our after-school throw-down.

And finally, in the middle, Awa Guchini*⁴: a perfect reincarnation of Karin if I ever saw one. She's an anorexic Albino, and she dyed her middle-of-the-back white hair fuchsia. Dull red eyes, ugly, black, thick-rimmed glasses, and dresses like a freaking- well, you know what I mean.

"Why are you with _her_?" Yuki spat my name like it was _natto_, a Japanese dish not too enjoyed by most Americans. Her expression softened when she looked back at Sasori.

"Hey, back off, _Tokasu_, he's got nothing to do with _you_." I hissed her name back with equal venom, if not more.

"Look, those 3 are going after the banchō again…"

"Watch Banchō-Sama finish them off!"

"Nah, she doesn't stand a chance against 3 of them" A few people whispered.

I was inwardly happy that I had _some_ students rooting for me, but was not pleased that others thought that I couldn't take on the trio of dimwits in front of me.

"Well how about we see what Mr. Silent Type here has to say about that, hm?"

Awa slid forward, a little too close for Sasori's liking. Heck, anyone would get as far away from these freaks as fast as they could!

Even with how short the sailor uniforms were to begin with, these 3 fools still make their skirts higher, shirts tighter, and add lace-

_**'*shudder* lace…'**_

-to their socks, which they've- as Konata and her dad from Lucky Star would say, "added to the _moe_*⁵ factor" by showing off their- _*cough* _overweight_ *cough* _thighs.

_'That was pretty graphic.'_

Anyway, Sasori grimaced and stepped back, slightly pulling on the hem of my skirt, trying to get us to leave.

Then he got an idea.

"Watch this…" he quickly said, cracking his knuckles.

Suddenly, Awa, Yuki, and Nisanka began attacking one other; scratching, kicking, pulling hair, that kind of stuff, and run after each other outside, where they continued beating the crap out of themselves.

"What did you do?" I stared at Sasori.

"I told you to watch, did I not?" he spared me a glance before returning his slightly amused gaze to the 3.

"Huh…?" I looked at his hands- and speak of the devil, they had thin blue Chakra strings attached to his fingertips, and he was flicking them all over the place.

"You're controlling them?"

"Of course. Who else would be?"

Everyone else just watched the fan girls turn against each other.

"I think… that's enough now…" I pushed his hands down and led him back to the classroom.

The rest of the day passed like any normal school day: go to class, learn a couple things, get homework, chat a little bit with some fellow otakus, then pack up and go home at 4.

Sasori read most of the time. I think he made a few dude friends just by being quiet and cool, I can't be sure.

On the way home, he asked me about the one guy who had girls flocking to him all the time.

"Oh, Kenji? Yeah, he's K.H.S.'s gem for some unknown reason." I rolled my eyes.

"Really? He doesn't seem to like any of the girls that he's got just groveling to be around him… in fact, I think he kinda likes the one girl that doesn't."

"Huh?"

"I mean, you."

"Is he one of your guy friends? 'Cuz if he is, you can just tell him that I'm taken." I felt sort of proud when that came out of my mouth.

"Oh yeah… I forgot Sasuke existed." Sasori shrugged and stuffed his hands in his pockets.

"Hey!" I chased after him and whapped him on the head with my bag.

He laughed and ran back into the house.

"I'm back…" I announced, coming in from the genkan.

Two new voices greeted us, "Aneki*⁶!!!"

* * *

* the Ginza is one of little European-stlye shopping districts in Karuizawa.  
*¹ Saitama prefecture is known for their Girls' Day porcelain dolls. I chose Saitama 'cuz I thought it'd be ironic that a wooden puppet would come from a prefecture that made clay dolls.  
*² 'yuki tokasu' means 'melting snow'  
*³ 'nisanka tanso' is Carbon Dioxide  
*⁴ 'guchi ni awa' literally means 'foam in mouth'  
*⁵ 'moe'... hm... kinda hard to translate into English... er... hm. I don't actually know what this is... in American terms. Sorry! Sheesh, what a waste of time...  
*⁶ 'aneki' is the slang for 'older sis', like 'aniki' is for 'older bro'

Whew! That was a long chapter! And the beginning was kinda... off! Anyway, please review! No flames! If you flame me, I'll use Chibaku Tensei and turn you into an asteroid or something!  
Sage of the 6 Paths: dude... I made the moon with that...  
Exactly. Thanks for reading!  
-InsaneNarutard0111


	16. Plus 3 More

Dude... this story... if so... effing... long... but it's gonna end in like, 4 more chapters! Look forward to it!

* * *

Chapter 15: Plus 3 More

"'Aneki'?" Sasori looked around for the sources of the voices and found one of them, who was currently holding onto his right leg.

"Miyu? Mitsuki? Why are you guys- oh… crap." I mentally slapped myself for not remembering what today was.

_**'No wonder you felt like you were forgetting something, you were!'**_

Someone suddenly glomped my middle. I looked down and found Miyu's little face just shining with excitement as she stared up at me.

"Oh yeah! Aneki! Ma and Daddy wanted us to give this to you!" She let go of me, pulled a small sheet of paper out of her back pocket, and handed it to me.

"Dear... you agreed to take care of our kids for a while and told us to drop them off at your house… blah, blah, blah… -the Nishioka Parents… oh crap." I looked at 7 year old Miyu, who was now sitting on Gaara's gourd, and 3 year old Mitsuki, who was still clinging to Sasori's leg.

"Er… when did they come?" I asked Konan.

"Hm… maybe 10 minutes before you came." She shrugged and continued folding her paper crane.

_'Great, just great…'_

"So... who exactly are these kids?" Yamato asked me.

"Oh... uh... my Senseis'... Yuki and her husband's (A/N: I forget how to spell Nishioka-Sensei's first name, I actually have no idea what it even is, I just call him 'Nishioka-Sensei'. Geez, I'm a retard...) kids... Miyu, and Mitsuki... I've trained them in the arts of Narutardism..."

I said nothing more and left for my room to change out of my uniform.

The only problem was… Sasuke was already in there and refused to get out _or_ let me put on something regular.

"Sasuke… _please _leave?" I sighed and leaned against the wall.

"No!" He shook his head and sat down in front of the door, crossing his arms over his chest.

"What are you? 3 years old again?"

"Ah… I remember when you were _this tall_…" Itachi appeared in a puff of smoke in front of Sasuke, and held his hand right above his knee. He sighed and looked like he was reminiscing about some very old stuff.

His little brother turned light pink and muttered, "Shut up…"

"Oh yeah? Get a load of… this." I dug around in my closet and found a small picture of a screenshot I had taken of a very, VERY young Sasuke, sitting among several plushy animals and blocks.

I held it up to Itachi who choked, then showed it to Sasuke who tried to snatch it out of my hand.

"Give it here!" he yelled, making a wild grab for it.

"No chance of that!" I pushed his face away and kept the photo up as high as I could.

"Come on! Pleeease?" he jumped again.

"Nope! Catch it if you can!" I poked it just out of his reach, half of me hoping that he would get it, the other half wishing he wouldn't.

Itachi just burst out laughing at the sight of us, making us stop to stare at him.

"You can… laugh…?" Sasuke asked, in the middle of another childish attempt to get the picture.

I refused to believe it.

"No way…" This wasn't like when the first group of ninjas came, and me and Itachi were sitting in the kitchen and he kinda chuckled; no.

This was like, all out, CRACKING UP.

"Itachi! Get a hold of yourself!" Sasuke frantically started looking around for something to help him with.

Said 21 year old was now clutching his sides from laughing so hard.

I didn't know what to do.

He collapsed onto the floor.

_'Dude, he could die laughing like that…'_

_**'Oh! Like that one guy from Mary Poppins? The banker guy?'**_

That's it. _Die laughing_.

"Hey, Itachi. You know, if you die now, you won't be able to Seal Amaterasu inside Sasuke later…" I said as quietly as I could, but still able for him to hear me.

He stopped abruptly.

"Seriously?"

"Yeah. I'm serious." I pulled on the most Itachi Flipping Out appropriate face I had.

_'Ha, I bet you just tried to make the Itachi Flipping Out face!'_

"What the heck did you just do?!" Sasuke was amazed, if not a little horrified that I had gotten his older brother to shut up in less than 1 minute.

"Hm? Oh, I'm awesome like that, so you don't need to worry." I gave him a cocky grin, not unlike the one I gave Sasori earlier that day.

He pouted and turned away.

"Ok… well, here, show this to the guys downstairs…" I quickly slipped a copy of the picture to Itachi, who disappeared right after wards.

"… Sasuke…!" I waved the other photo in front of his face.

"Hey!" He tackled me onto the bed and started the tickling.

_'Nooooooooo! Not the dreaded powers of tickling!'_

"S-stop! R-r-really! I m-mean it! S-s-stop!" I somehow managed to get those few words out between giggles.

"And what if I don't?" Sasuke started laughing too, and it sounded... weird. Coming out of him. But not as weird as Itachi. Like... a nice kind of weird... he just continued his unbelievably effective assault on _moi_.

"I-if you d-don't, I-I'll... I'll... I'LL LOCK YOU IN A ROOM WITH SAKURA FOR A WHOLE DAY!"

That stopped him.

"No~~~!!! Don't do that!" He melted straight back into Little Kid Mode and wiggled his front into mine.

"Ok, ok, I won't, but if you don't let go, I'll call Sakura right n-"

_**'OW!'**_

_2 seconds later..._

"Uh, yeah, as much as I'd like to do that, um, there are children in the house, and... I don't think it'd be the best thing in the world for them to come up here and see us like this... so... please get off?"

"... why?"

"I just told you why! Get off!"

"... why?"

"I- gah, Jashin dang it, GET THE FREAK OFF!!!" I kicked Sasuke in the chest, sending him backwards 4 feet, nearly knocking his head on the dresser.

"Ow... what the crap was that for...?" he sat up and rubbed the back of his head, were it had hit the floor.

I sat up, fixed my skirt that he had ruffled so nicely, then pointed an accusing finger at him, saying, "You didn't-"

"Aneki! Aneki! Hidan-Aniki says that it's almost 4:45 and you need to get down to the river!" 2 little voices sounded through the door, and small fists beat on its wood.

"Oh. Great. Uh... wait a minute, ok?" I yelled back, pulling off my shirt.

"Hey, Sasuke, you- Sasuke?"

**_'Um... he was still in the room... when you... started... changing...'_**

_'Neh, he'll get used to it.'_

He had passed out.

"Sasuke!"

_3 minutes later..._

"Hm... he'll live. He's just severely shocked, is all." Tsunade sat back on her heels, the glowing Chakra in her hands fading away, "Do you know what it was that made him lose conscience? I mean, aside from extreme blood loss."

"So Sasuke-Tōsan* is alive?" Mitsuki cried, clutching Sasuke's shirt.

She set her hand on the little boy's duck-butt styled head and nodded. Staring straight at me across from the bed the "patient" was lying on, she raised an eyebrow.

I turned bright red.

"Er... well... uh... I uh... um... actually, he... uh..." Not capable of forming a legit sentence, I just began twisting my hands around on my lap.

Her bright brown eyes followed my movements and realization seemed to dawn on her.

_"Oh..._ I get it... yeah... you don't need to explain." She stood up and headed for the door. I blushed even harder and followed suit.

"However, you're gonna have to let me in on the details later, and don't you leave one little bit out, you hear me?" Tsunade whispered on the way out.

_'Hey...'_

Anyway, at exactly 4:45, there was another crack like thunder, and everyone- excluding an out cold Sasuke -waited for the smoke to clear to see who it was.

The first thing we heard before it was even gone,

"YES!!! IT WORKS! I CAN'T BELIEVE IT ACTUALLY WORKS! YES!!!"

Once we could see the guy, we couldn't look away.

"Minato?" Jiraiya started, "Is that really you?"

* * *

* I swear, if you don't know what this means, you are not fit to be a Narutard! Or even allowed to watch or read Naruto! It means "dad".

GAH! A slight cliff hanger! I hate them as a reader, but I love them as an author! MWUAHAHAHAHAAAAA!!!  
Anyway, if you want to know more, YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO REVIEW AND VOTE IN THE POLL ON MY ACCOUNT! If you flame me, I'll use Bunshin Daibakuha and make a Shadow Clone of Itachi explode on you!  
Itachi: why me?  
Because you're the only known user. So there.  
Thanks! Oh yeah, I've got a new story, check it out on my profile.  
-InsaneNarutard0111


	17. The Shinobi's Guide to the Universe

O~su! Here's the 16th chapter! Have fun!  
_'Oh, God, you know how wrong that sounds, right?'  
_Shut up, you just have a sick mind.  
_**'Uh, we are your mind, so... that would mean you have a sick mind too...'  
**_Gah! Both of you! Shut! Up!

* * *

Chapter 16: The Shinobi's Guide to the Parallel Universe

"Minato? I-is that r-really… you?" Jiraiya repeated.

"Sensei?" The Yellow Flash looked up from his "I'm Totally Awesome" pose.

"Sensei!!!" Kakashi ran up and glomped his old teacher, anime tears streaming down his mask.

_Inside…_

"So… your Jutsu Teleports… whoever you've placed a Seal on… to a Parallel Universe?" Pein looked more than slightly confused.

"Yes, even if I haven't had any physical contact with the people I've Teleported, the Seal can spread to the people they've come into contact with." Minato explained, leaning against a wall of the wooden house Yamato had made the day before.

"And I didn't think the 1st Hokage's Kekkei Genkai still existed! How'd you get it?" He eagerly looked over at Tenzō, who pointed at Orochimaru, who gave a nervous grin.

"Oh… Orochimaru… that's what I thought…" He dejectedly sank back to the wall.

"Who was the first one you put the Seal on?" Sai asked, probably thinking about his own Cursed Seal.

"Naruto." The questioned replied shortly.

"What?!" Said Jinchūriki jumped up from his spot on the floor.

"I said, 'Naruto', did I not? You were the first one I put the Parallel Dimension Seal on first."

"Whoa… and I transferred it to Sakura-Chan, Kakashi-Sensei, Sasuke, Sai, and Captain Yamato?" Naruto looked around the room, checking off all the names.

"You probably got Jiraiya, Tsunade, and Orochimaru, and then Sasuke spread it onto Itachi who got the rest of the Akatsuki, right?" Sakura made it sound like it was some sort of contagious disease.

"But what about all the other people he's been around? What about the people all of us have been around? Would they come here too?" Kakashi asked, sliding his Icha-Icha book back into his pocket.

_'Crap, if they did, you'd have to miraculously win the lottery 80 times over to be able to take care of all of them…'_

I was NOT ready to babysit who knows how many more random ninjas that were beamed onto Earth, not to mention the hundreds of filler arc characters that showed up in the series as well…

"Well, I'm pretty sure it only transfers to those that we've been around the most, and… yeah." the Namikaze shrugged.

"Lemmee guess… this was some sort of Jutsu that you were working on before you Sealed…" I moved my hands around each other, hoping to get the meaning across.

Minato nodded, letting me continue, "and when you Sealed… it went from Naruto to everyone in this room?"

"Yep. You got it. I kinda mixed it with the Teleportation technique, but I didn't know where it would actually take us. I activated the Seal the day I… yeah. It would take effect exactly 15 years later; why it did 15 years, I don't know. So, if all goes well, it should Teleport you all here again the exact same date it was when you first showed up. If you're all alive by that time. Can't guarantee anything." He shrugged again.

"This would be _so_ awesome to try out again sometime…" Tobi, A.K.A. _Madara Uchiha_, said under his breath, rubbing his hands together in an evil-madman-like fashion.

**"Oh boy…"** Black Zetsu muttered, rolling his eye.

"And… when do we get to go back to the Elemental Countries?" Kakuzu poked at the topic.

Sasuke came in the door, holding his head, and tottering slightly.

"Tōsan!" Miyu jumped off Samehada, Mitsuki from Konan's paper stool, and they bear hugged the groggy boy.

"Why do you call him 'dad', yeah?" Deidara growled to himself.

"You're just jealous you don't have a super cool guy like Sasuke and a super cool Aneki like Aneki as your parents!" Mitsuki squeaked back at him, holding onto Sasuke's leg even harder, making him teeter back.

"Uh… guys, you might wanna let him have some space, he looks like he's gonna pass out again…" Jiraiya moved forward, ready to catch him if needed.

"Nah, I'm fine…" and Sasuke plopped down beside me on the floor, leaning heavily on my shoulder.

"So when the **** are we getting outta here?" Hidan stabbed at the subject again.

"Hm… probably tomorrow. If everything went alright. Like I said, can't guarantee anything." The 4th Hokage shook his head.

Sasuke seemed to inwardly wilt, not unlike the time I told him what I had thought of him at first.

"Aw, the poor widdle Uchiha boy is infatuated with Hikari and doesn't wanna weave her behind, does he?" Tsunade cooed at him.

He said nothing, and just buried his face in my neck.

"Speaking of 'little'…" Itachi started, "I forgot to show you guys this…" He pulled out the photo that I had given to him 10 minutes earlier and passed it around the room.

Everyone laughed and compared it to the real thing, or in Sakura's case, fan girl squealed and tried to hide it.

Tobi somehow managed to slip it from her grasp unnoticed.

When it reached Sasuke, he yelled and sprinted towards his older brother, drew his katana and prepared to slice him in half, but ended up decapitating a Shadow Clone instead.

"Geez, Sasuke, I didn't think you were _that_ sensitive about the picture… sheesh." Itachi drawled, holding his spiky haired younger bro in a headlock.

"Let… me… OUT!" the captured clawed at Itachi's arms, but made no progress, and eventually went limp.

"Er… anyway, is Sasori going to school again?" I was hoping that he would, mostly for the entertainment of seeing _Le Sluts_ cower in fear at his awesomeness, but half worried that he'd become attached and not want to leave or something human like that.

"Sure. If it's ok with you, then yeah, I'll go again." 'Mr. Marionette Ninja' didn't look up from the piece of wood he was sanding down.

"Alright, I gotta make dinner, so you guys can do whatever, except for attack, kill, prank, or make out with each other, so… carry on." I left for the main house, Minato following close behind.

"Whoa… I didn't expect the Parallel Dimension Jutsu to take everyone _this_ far… wow… hey, you seem to know a lot about us and what we've done, right?" He called, looking around the living room.

"Mm-hm, what about it?" I took the thawed out chickens from the F.S.R. and set them in a few trays.

Minato sat down at the dining table and traced the wood patterns with his finger, saying, "Well… after I… you know… _died_… what became of Ku-… nah, never mind."

After ripping open a couple bags of sliced veggies, I emptied them into a bowl filled with water and seasoning.

"Who, Kushina?"

"Y-yeah..."

I checked the oven-

_'Uh… you didn't say you turned it on anywhere in here…'_

_**'Be quiet, she did that before going into the house Yamato made after Naruto's dad came! She just didn't acknowledge it out loud!'**_

_'Oh… right.'_

-and poured the sauce I had just mixed into the pans.

"Hm… nobody really knows what happened to her after you Sealed the Nine Tails… a bunch of people disappeared after that… so, sorry, I can't tell you."

He appeared to wilt, sort of like the way Sasuke did.

"Oh… ok. I understand. Anyway, how have the villagers treated Naruto? The way I wanted them to, like a hero?" Minato perked up a little, his bright blue eyes shining with… hope?

I didn't want to burst his bubble by telling him the complete opposite, but I didn't want to lie and say that he was Konoha's gem either.

Pushing the trays into the oven, I didn't face him as I explained how they had reacted to Naruto.

"At first… he was an outcast… and he kind of still is, but with each near-tragedy that he's saved the Hidden Leaf from, they've kinda let him… grow on them… a little. So, yes, but no."

_'Hm… I suppose you can spill a tiny bit more to him…'_

"However, in the future, he will become very famous, so famous, people will want his autograph!"

Minato's eyes grew a solid inch.

"Really?!"

"Yeah, I'm serious, dude. Just don't tell anyone, or it might not happen later." I looked around for anyone eavesdropping.

Then again, I did have like, 20 highly skilled ninjas- not including the one sitting in front of me –staying with me, so they could've be secretly nicking Naruto manga from the Forbidden Closet I had screwed shut in my room, or something ninja-ish to that extent.

"This is great! Yes! My son's gonna be a hero! Oh yeah!" Minato stood up and struck another "I'm Totally Awesome" pose.

I suddenly remembered how Naruto got the way he currently was.

"Hey… Minato? You know that one thing you did that would let you see your kid if he ever came close to going all out Kyūbi?"

He paused in the middle of his "w00t" dance.

"You're going to see him like that… right before the villagers acknowledge his existence in a positive way… just letting you know beforehand… but don't tell anyone else about what I said! It could really mess things up!"

I wasn't kidding when I said that. If someone found out that Naruto was gonna go 8 Tails, then that would freak the story so bad, it'd make Ed, Edd, and Eddy look more educational that the National Geographic.

"Don't worry, I won't tell a soul!" He held up his right hand and swore on every Senju's grave that he wouldn't say anything about the conversation we just had.

"Ok… the food's gonna be ready in like, 20 minutes, so use that time to check out the house. Just stay outta the laundry room, would you? Itachi knocked something into the washing machine, and all the white clothes turned pink. I can assure you, I'll never forgive him for that…" I turned back to the stove, still slightly fuming about how my favorite over-shirt had been stained a pale shade of rose.

_'You know… I think I'm gonna miss these guys once they're gone…'_

_**

* * *

**_Yep, we're nearing the end of this story.  
Sorry if my choice of ending is kinda crappy to you. You can tell me your opinion(s), but if you flame me, I'll use Doton: Doryūdan, Earth Release: Earth Dragon Bullet and mud you to death.  
3rd Hokage: yikes...  
That's the point. Thanks for reading! Reviews mean faster updates! So nya~!  
-InsaneNarutard0111


	18. Hey, You, I Don't Like Your Girlfriend

Hi! I'm planning on adding 1 more chapter after this one, so look forward to it!  
Oh my Jashin, I suck... *bangs head on wall*

* * *

Chapter 17: Hey, You, I Don't Like Your Girlfriend

I was pleased to find that the load of dark clothes I had put in the washing machine after dinner had not be stained light green, or any other color besides what they were to begin with, but I was beginning to wonder about tomorrow…

The day Minato claimed that he and the rest of the ninjas he had Teleported here would go back to where they belonged: the Elemental Countries.

_'Hey, __**Kira **__isn't coming outta her side of your mind… she's kinda upset… about… yeah…'_

_Kin_, don't bother her.

I started feeling kinda weird about this whole random come and random go thing, too.

Sasuke didn't look very good, either- and it probably wasn't because he passed out earlier –I mean, he was being moodier than usual.

In fact, I don't think anyone seemed very happy, save for Kakuzu, Orochimaru, and Sakura.

Even Naruto was being unnaturally quiet.

Mitsuki tugged on the sleeve of my shirt, whispering, "Aneki… why is everyone so… so…"

"Dead?" Hidan scoffed, "****, anyone would be ****-in' like this if they were thrown into another world with a bunch of other ****-in' people you'd never even think of sitting at the same ****-in' table with, get to know them a little, then have to ****-in' leave just as fast as they came."

"Well said, un" Deidara mumbled.

Mitsuki's little 3 year old face looked more confused than it already was.

"That means nobody wants to go." Itachi quietly explained.

No one added anything else; they just sat there in silence fit for a funeral.

The seconds ticked by on the clock, each one sounding like a kunai hitting its mark on the target board.

_'Now that you mention it…'_

"Hey… Aneki… can we take a picture? Of all of us together? Since we're all here?" Miyu asked, looking around nervously.

_**'How the heck is that related to this?'**_

_'So you decide to come out now, hm?'_

The atmosphere suddenly changed from the deepest, darkest, dingiest drain-

_**'Oh, Crum, Danger Mouse!'**_

-to… a city almost smiling in the sun.

_'Dude, that was weak.__'_

Some people looked up, silently agreeing and hoping I'd say 'yes'.

"Er… yeah. Yeah, why not? Let's do that! You stay here, I gotta get my camera…" I maneuvered my way through the crowd of ninjas that occupied the living room and went upstairs, feeling a little bit better.

Why I wasn't feeling better in the first place, I'll never know. Probably 'cuz of the human emotions I lack. Nah, I'm mostly kidding.

Now the city in the sun was smiling.

I ushered everyone down to the riverbank where they first appeared, Jiraiya carrying Miyu on his back, and Sai with Mitsuki.

Sasuke convinced Itachi to make a Shadow Clone to work the camera, since Naruto refused to do something _so_ trivial, why _he _of all people called it _trivial_, the world may never know-

_**'Mr. Owl, how many licks does it take to get to the Tootsie center of a Tootsie Pop?'**_

-Itachi didn't seem too keen on the idea, either, but he finally gave in after his little brother discretely did the Puppy Eyes no Jutsu to him.

After moving people around so they'd all fit in the frame, he pressed the shutter.

_click._

"Hey! I wanna see!"

"No! I wanna see first!"

"Hey, move over!"

"OI! Get back inside! I'll show you on the computer! GO!" I took the camera from them, before it could be damaged.

_Inside the main house…_

"And load… come on… _load…_ HURRY THE FLICK UP AND LOAD!" I think I made Pein go deaf when I yelled at the laptop like that, but hey, I do not take any crap from _my_ computer. I just don't.

"Maximize… and there you go."

"Cool… ha, ha, Kakashi got a tree coming outta his head!"

"Yeah, real funny, Tsunade…"

"Hn… wait- Naruto what the heck did you do?!"

"Nothing! I swear, I swear!"

"What _is_ that?"

I looked closer at where Yamato was pointing, and-

"Ok, ok! So I put bunny ears on Hidan, what's the big deal?"

"You did WHAT?!"

Naruto ran for his life. Hidan chased after him, yelling and swinging his scythe wildly.

"You think we should help him?" Konan poked her head out the window.

"Hm… nah, he'll survive. No, I'm joking, somebody, go save him!" Kakuzu's threads slid past the window and wound around the trees and caught his partner before Naruto could lose a limb.

"And… it looks like Zetsu is eating Hikari…" Sai held up the photo I had just printed and said it like it was a normal as the Pope being Catholic.

"Well, whatever, there's not enough light outside to take another one, so we'll just have to stick with this… even though Gaara has moose antlers, thanks to Minato."

The 5th Kazekage glared at the 4th Hokage, who gave him a sheepish grin.

"Huh? What's this?" I clicked in a few places a couple times, and connected the laptop to the projector, asking Kakashi to pull down the screen.

A video came up, and it had pictures and a few clips of the past 5 days matched to some random Naruto music.

Things like Itachi half-drunk with his head lying on the table with a partially consumed glass of sake next to him; Tobi shoving mini pizzas into his mouth, his face still hidden behind his mask; Sakura standing in front of Orochimaru, cracking her knuckles; Deidara licking Sasori on the cheek with a hand mouth and Deidara looking disgusted; a wasted Tsunade attempting to pole dance on a desk leg and falling down; Sai out cold and leaning into Pein's side; Yamato lip-synching to "Long Kiss Goodbye" by Halcali; and my personal favorites, pictures of everyone sleeping.

Some were sprawled out like little kids, others making weird faces, or in Zetsu's case, hanging upside down from a tree branch like a bat, with the white side drooling.

Whoever it was that had been manning the camera had even caught me and Sasuke on the roof beneath the stars.

Everyone either laughed or yelled in outrage when they were shown in a bizarre situation, but I think they had fun. The most embarrassing part was when everyone 'aw-ed' at the youngest Uchiha and me.

At the very end, there was a blank slide, but the caption said that the photo I had just taken of everyone together was supposed to go there.

I turned on the lights and asked who made the video.

Kisame hesitantly raised his hand.

"That was totally _wicked!" _I threw my hands up in the air for emphasis.

"So how'd you find my camera? How'd you find the music? How'd you even get onto the Internet to Animoto?" I asked him, leaning against the arm of the couch.

"Er… I found the website by accident, and the instructions were easy enough to understand, and the pictures… I found your camera by accident too, and after seeing some character in one of the episodes we watched do the uploading thing, I tested it out on your computer, and… I just went on from there… you're not mad, are you?" He backed away slightly, just in case I lashed out.

"No way, dude! That was really cool, right guys?" I looked around at everyone, who nodded, or voiced their opinions.

Kisame glowed.

_'Uh… that looks… a little weird.'_

_**'Yeah, he's kinda… lavender-ish…'**_

"Anyway, I gotta go to bed now, I got school tomorrow. Same time as today, Sasori, ok?"

I went up to my room, still thinking about the video that Kisame had so expertly created, but started to feel... weird. Again. Like, once everyone would leave tomorrow, I'd be alone again.

Changing into my pajamas-

_'You let self-pity and hate wash over you, you pathetic-'_

Shut up. I'm in no mood to hear you berate me over and over again. Even though most of it is true, I don't wanna hear it at the moment.

"Tell me." A voice came from behind.

I turned around faster than you could say, "Tobi".

"Why are you so close to Sasuke?" Madara crossed his arms over his chest.

I automatically opened my mouth to speak, but then shut it when I realized-

**_'You have no reason.'_**

"... I... I don't know..." I laughed sadly to myself. Sliding down the wall and landing on the floor, I continued, "I really have no idea why I've become so attached to you guys."

He sat down in front of me, letting me go on.

"I have no right to show any affection for people I don't even know, and when they appear before me, I become even more fond of them..."

Tears that had been bit back for the past 3 years began to form, searing my eyes.

"You all are leaving in another 19 hours, and when that happens, I don't think I'll be able to last..."

"Why not? You have yourself to hold onto; why shouldn't you be able to go on from there?"

The tears fell like the rain outside the window did.

"B-because, I s-swore... t-that I'd n-never... get at-t-tached to... another... human b-being... after I d-d-discovered how c-cruel... the w-world actually is..."

"Well, you're right about one thing... the world is a cruel place to be..."

_'And the leopard calls the Chinese checkerboard 'spotted'... heck, even Madara's name means 'spotted'!'_

I curled up into a ball.

"Why do you cry? It won't fix anything."

"Because I d-don't want you t-to go... and I h-haven't c-c-cried in so long..." I whispered, wrapping my arms around my knees tighter.

Then I was pulled onto someone's lap and held like a parent would their child.

"What banchō shows their tears, hm?"

I looked up at him and tried to say something, but nothing would come out. So I did the only things I could do: cry and snuggle into his surprisingly warm chest.

He leaned back against the section of wall below the window and remained silent.

Soon after that, the tears stopped. So did the rain.

"You all better now?"

"... mm-hm..." I didn't feel like getting up, one: because I was physically weak at the moment, two: I haven't had human contact like this in years (not including Sasuke), and three: Madara Uchiha smells really, _really_ good.

I never thought I 'd say that, but he does smell awesome. Sorry, slightly jacked up fan girl streak.

"Didn't you say that I wasn't allowed to touch you like this?"

"What? Oh... uh... nah, I'll let it slide. Just this once is fine..." I reinforced that by nuzzling back into him and breathing in his addicting scent.

Unfortunately... Sasuke chose that exact moment to open the door.  
_  
__'Craaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaap...'_

I suddenly felt very awkward.

"Er... for the sake of my pride, I don't think I'll say what everyone says whenever someone walks in one them... the, "No, So-and-So, this isn't what it looks like!" thing, so... nothing happened."

Sasuke didn't buy it. He just stood there, in the middle of the doorway, half glaring, half... half... half Unknown Emotion 54-92.1K-ing. At who, I couldn't be sure.

"Well, uh..." I scooted off Madara's lap, and he cleared his throat, saying, "Since this is kind of a... *cough* an _uncomfortable_ situation, for lack of a better word... um... I think I'll just... be going!"

He Teleported away, leaving me and Sasuke by ourselves.

Neither of us said anything.

Sasuke chose to leave.

I was alone again._  
_

* * *

Like I said earlier, I'm gonna post one more chapter after this one, and that'll be the end of this story! I'm drawing the photo Itachi took of everyone right now, and I'll try to get it up as my avatar on here!  
You can criticize me to death, but that's just gonna make me not update! So there.  
If you flame me, I'll use Doton: Doryō Dango and flatten you.  
Jirōbō: GET OUTTA THE WAAAY!  
And... yeah.  
Thanks for reading! If you want me to update, then you gotta review and vote in the poll on my account!  
-InsaneNarutard0111  
_  
_


	19. The End

*depressed sigh* The reason it took so long to write this chapter was 'cuz I started crying halfway through it. I don't think you will, though.

CHAPTER WARNING: HEAD BANGING, SLIGHT PERVERSION, AND REALLY DRAMATIC AND OVERDONE SOPPY FAREWELLS! Enjoy!

* * *

Chapter 18: The End

Sasuke didn't stay in my room that night.

I had stayed up another 9 hours, tossing and turning in bed, half the time silently bawling my eyes out, the other half, wishing I were dead.

The next morning, I had considered throwing myself down the stairs just to raise Japan's suicide rate, but I was already at the bottom of the landing, and I didn't feel like going up again.

I looked in the mirror in the bathroom, and Karin, without the thick glasses and flat chest, glared straight back.

It took an insane amount of self-control to not smash the mirror to pieces.

_'Hey, your fake last name, Kagami, means 'mirror'... you're that unhappy, huh?'_

If I didn't have Sasori with me on the way to school, I would've walked straight into the road, while the traffic light was still green.

He kept a thin Chakra leash on me until we got to the classroom and sat down.

"Hey, I'm not gonna ask you "are you ok?'' because, obviously, you're not, but do you mind if I ask what's wrong?" Sasori poked my slumped over form on the desk.

I sighed and almost started crying again, but then remembered what Madara had said earlier, _"What banchō shows their tears?"_

I still had some of my pride left, and I wasn't gonna screw it up now.

Taking a shaky breath, I told him, "Sasuke probably hates me… for something… that wasn't what he thought it was…"

The puppet beside me didn't say anything, possibly because he didn't know what to say.

Throughout the rest of the day, I kept my mouth shut like the world depended on it, even though I didn't exactly care about what happened to planet Earth at the time.

I came 2 millimeters close to cracking a smile when I saw _Le Sluts _scuttle away when they saw Sasori walking-

_'Ha, more like leading you down the hall…'_

-next to me. He made another near invisible Chakra string and connected it to my back.

I remained unresponsive during all of my classes, never answering any of the questions the teachers asked me.

For the rest of last break, I repeatedly banged my head on the desk, scaring most of the people in the room away, but I wasn't concerned about that.

I was feeling inhumanly horrible about what had happened just 15 hours before.

"Oi, if you don't stop head-butting the table, you're gonna get brain damage…" Sasori droned, reading some random manga.

I paid him no heed and continued to beat the graffiti out of the desk with my face.

"Did you hear me? Stop it…" He turned a page.

I ignored him.

"Knock it off!"

He yanked my head up with a glowing blue string and glared like Sasuke did at me and Madara.

At that thought, I couldn't take it any longer.

The tears started flowing freely, blurring my vision and the ninja in front of me.

"H-hey… look, if it's about something that I wouldn't get, then you don't have to tell me, but how am I supposed to do anything if I don't know what's wrong?" Sasori leaned in slightly.

"Jashin, I wanna die!!!" I wailed into the tabletop.

"Ok, but why?!"

"Because Sasuke thought that I was cheating on him with Madara!"

"Were you?"

"NO! Why would I do that?!"

Someone got a teacher to come in the room, and they started dragging me to the clinic. I took Sasori with me, not wanting to be alone again.

_In the nurse's office…_

"Uh… K-Kagami-San… can you tell me… what's making you… like… this…? Please?" The nurse started, tripping on the pseudonym.

I had stopped crying, but still didn't feel like speaking to anyone but a Naruto character.

I whispered my answer to Sasori, who relayed it to the nervous woman sitting across from us.

She 'oh-ed' in "understanding" and reached out to set her hand on my shoulder, but quickly jumped back when I flinched and sent an Uchiha glare her way.

"Uh… is it ok if we leave early? I don't think she's gonna be getting better anytime soon… and I'm just a visitor with her… the faster she gets home… the faster she might calm down." Sasori asked the now unnaturally freaked out staff.

After getting her quick consent and grabbing our things, he prodded me out the door and stuck another Chakra leash to me, making sure I didn't get almost run over again.

_15 minutes later…_

"I'm back…" I muttered, stepping through the living room door.

Something slammed into me, dancing around the edge of making both of us fall backwards.

Whatever it was that had run into me was shaking and sticking to me like super glue.

"Sasuke?"

He nodded, and held on even tighter.

I felt the tears welling up again and hugged him back, and then coaxed his sad self upstairs to my room, shutting the door behind me.

Once it was closed, he pulled me down onto the futon and started sobbing into my front.

I began to cry as well and hoped that he would never let go, and never, _ever _leave me.

But it was not so. In a short half hour or so, he and everyone else that had stayed at my house for the past few days would be leaving.

Sasuke whimpered near indistinguishable apologies into my shirt, saying, "I'm sorry, I'm sorry, Madara explained everything to me, and I'm sorry I thought you didn't want me anymore- wait, do you still want me?"

He looked up at me, tears streaking down his pale cheeks.

_'What a stupid question...'_

"Of c-course I do, why wouldn't I? S-s-someone's gotta be your little fan girl, r-right? And about yesterday? I was j-just so sad that y-you and all the people downs-s-stairs would be going, and M-Madara came in and was just c-comforting me, and there isn't anything between us! You s-should know that! How I could never _not_ want you?"

I'm pretty sure he was asking a rhetorical question, 'cuz _he_ closed the space between us rather quickly.

_'I swear, if you do not know what that means, then you have no right to be reading fan fiction.'_

_**'Uh... is it just me, or are his hands getting a little...'**_

Inappropriate? Er... true, they are sliding up my blouse...

"Whoa, slow down there, tiger. Don't need no mini mes or Sasukes running around here anytime now, ok? That should probably wait until... you know... the ring's on the finger."

He 'aw-ed', but obeyed and settled for re-abducting my mouth with his own.

"Hikari-Chan! Hikari-Chan!" A voice sounded outside the door, "I know you're in there, un! The Uchiha brat too! Sasuke-Teme! You'd better not be touching what's rightfully mi-"

"Shut up, Deidara." A new one joined the first, "Don't interrupt them. And no, Hikari-Chan is not yours, she belongs to my little brother. The Uchiha clan is in need of an heir, something that I cannot assist in producing. If you interfere with them, you will become more mentally unstable than you already are, for I will not hesitate to lock you into Tsukuyomi until the day either you or myself dies."

Sasuke groaned and yelled over his shoulder, "Both of you! **** off! I'm- er, I mean, _we're _kinda busy in here!"

Several thumps and yelps were heard descending outside the wall, which led me to believe Itachi had shoved Deidara down the stairs.

He called through the door, "No worries, little bro! Just doing some pest control for you! Carry on!"

The Missing-Nin currently pinning me to the mattress sighed and shook his head, muttering, "Idiots..."

I giggled quietly and pushed some of his spiky hair away from his gorgeous face. My hand continued back behind his head, scritching him like an owner would their pampered pet.

His eyes widened for a second and I was suddenly aware of a certain... ah... uh...

_**'Hardness? Down below...?'**_

_'Er... that was unexpected...'_

A devilishly perverted smirk crept onto his face, making one: my heart flutter for a moment, but two: I figured that that couldn't mean anything good.

"W-what is it?" I was growing more and more uneasy by the minute.

His smirk spread into a grin, and he leaned in, whispering, "Oh... if only you knew..."

"Knew what?"

He was right beside my ear now, "That you're the only one that really gets my Chakra flowing..."

I gasped and turned bright red, but even more so at how he proved his point by-

"Hold on, Sasuke." Yet another new voice, this time in the room, "I know Itachi said that the Uchihas need an heir, but I don't think he meant _right this instant._"

Madara held the over-ambitious boy back by the collar of the shirt that was about to be discarded.

"You may not be affected by impregnating Hikari-Chan now, but you're forgetting something. She's- no, _both_ of you are only 16 years old."

I spoke up, "Uh, Madara? Sorry, but Sasuke's actually 15 years old..."

He sighed and shook his head, saying, "See? You're even younger than her, and you're already trying to get into her skirt! Anyway, like I was saying, you might not be affected by getting Hikari pregnant, but she's only 16."

He became very serious, "Her body may not be able to physically bear the child. There's a good possibility that she could die before giving birth."

Sasuke looked back at me, worry, fear, and something else that I didn't know warping his features.

"It's true..." I told him as gently as I could.

"Plus" Madara started again, "It's already 4:40. We gotta get ready to go. Let Hikari-Chan change out of her uniform, and then we can go down to the river."

"But I wanna watch her-"

"NO, Sasuke. Come on, you obnoxious lecher..." Madara jerked Sasuke out the door by his ear.

I was more-than-sort-of disturbed by how far Sasuke had followed Jiraiya in his... uh...

_'Let's just call them 'womanly advances' for now, hm?'_

Er, yeah. Stupid teenage hormones...

I put on some regular clothes and followed everyone downstairs out to the once empty lot behind my place.

"You want me to get rid of the..." Yamato pointed to the wood house, ready to form the Hand Seals if needed.

"Hm... part of me wants to keep it just for the sake of keeping it, but the other tells me that, if anyone came here and found a huge house built in less than 5 minutes... uh... that'd raise some awkward questions, don't you think?"

I really, really wanted to leave the house be, but I didn't want to have to answer any bizarre inquiries asked by... whoever.

He nodded and released the Jutsu, the trees and other plants retracted into the ground like a time-lapsed series of photos played backwards.

There was kind of a weird silent moment when everyone just stood on the riverbank, staring at one another.

"Uh... guys? We've got 2 minutes left... say goodbye, and then we gotta go... ok?" Minato broke the awkward silence.

"Um... so... yeah, I'm really, really gonna miss you guys, like you've just made a huge impact on my life, and I'm gonna be really sad when I see ya'll kill each other later on in the story, if you haven't already, and... yeah." I gave everyone a big hug, everyone except for Zetsu, Sakura, and Sasuke.

Jiraiya and Madara lingered on theirs hugs; Jiraiya to grope a little bit, I hit his heart a tiny bit more than I meant to, making him cough kinda weirdly, and Madara... well, Tobi will be Tobi.

"OOH! Tobi's gonna miss Hii-Chan SOOO much!" He squeezed me like a corset, then dropped his voice to a lower, if not _huskier_ level and said so quietly, I almost missed it, "I'm also gonna miss your softness, _Banch__ō-Sama..._"

"You're pushing it, old man. You may smell good, but you're coming to the limit of my patience."

He chuckled darkly like he did on Friday night, and let go.

Sasuke came last. He had put on that stupid emotionless mask again. Ok, so he can be cool when he's all guarded and whatnot, but I think I like him better when he behaves like an actual human being.

"I knew I shouldn't have gotten attached to you..." he grumbled, furrowing his brow.

"And why's that? Hm, _little boy?"_ I nudged him in the ribs.

"Because, then I'd have to say goodbye, and I don't want to." He still had on that accursed Sai face.

"Ok, so don't say goodbye, gosh. I was only being considerate or whatever it is you normal humans call it." I turned away.

"Oh, and Sasori, you're really, really cool, even though you had to die so early in the story." I told the red head beside me, staying within earshot of Sasuke.

Sasuke practically growled.

"Ok, ok, so I don't wanna leave you, or any of these other people, but mostly you because you're the most awesome person I've ever come into contact with, and by contact, I mean-"

"You mean _that_ type of contact, don't you?" Interestingly enough, both me and Madara said that at the same time.

"Gee, you're real nice..." I rolled my eyes, but glomped Sasuke anyway.

The facade broke, and he sniffed, though no more tears came.

_**'He probably cried them all out already.'**_

'Probably...'

"30 seconds! Come on everyone!" Minato crowded all 21 ninjas onto the riverbank.

I remembered something.

"10, 9, 8..."

"Sasuke...!" Once I had gotten his attention, I mouthed the last sentence that he'd ever hear from me.

Shock jumped across his face once he figured out what I had told him, but by then, it was too late.

"... 3, 2, 1!"

A flash of light, a crack like thunder, and a cloud of smoke, and they were gone.

I was by myself.

_"You never told me you loved me."

* * *

  
_And that's the end of the story!  
Now, if I get at least 175 reviews, then I may just add an epilogue...  
Ya'll are now free to tell me whatever the heck you feel like saying, just as long as the review number hits 175.  
If you don't vote in the poll on my account, then I won't add the epilogue. I might just Shōton: Kesshō Gokakurō you.  
Guren: and you will disintegrate once the crystal breaks!  
Yep. Thanks for reading and sticking with me this whole time!  
-InsaneNarutard0111_  
_


	20. Epilogue

*sniff* you *sniff* guys are *sniff* the _best_ *sniff* dudes *sniff* in the _whole_ *sniff* _effing _*sniff* _world. _*sniff*  
*wipes eyes with a hankie*  
*sighs*  
It's all good... here you go.

* * *

Epilogue

"Hey, Kisame, can I use the… compu…ter…?"

The next day, I found myself talking to no one. I walked into the living room and expected it to be full of lively ninjas, some talking, others watching anime, and still others snacking.

I wondered where everyone was, but then remembered that they had all left.

Within the next 24 hours, I had become a full-fledged hikikomori*.

I didn't go to school, I didn't go to work, nothing.

I just sat there on my bed- the same bed I had shared with Sasuke - either glaring at the ceiling, or sobbing my tear ducts dry.

Even after my family had returned from their 3 month long trip to America, I refused to leave my room.

The only time I ever ventured outside the safety of the hall was to either use the bathroom and/or shower, and that was in the dead of night.

Ma would set meals outside my door, then come back later to take away the empty dishes.

Sometimes, a couple of kids from the neighborhood or K.H.S. would come by and ask about me, but be told that I wasn't feeling well.

_'Ha, got that right…'_

I stayed that way until 3 months had passed, then gave my family a good scare by walking into the dining room during supper.

"Is that… you…?" My sister started.

"Yeah…"

I didn't say anything else as I sat down next to my brother.

"Do you want anything to eat?"

Ma had asked a question that didn't require an answer.

She stood up to get me a bowl of… curry and rice.

The very first dinner I made for Itachi, Kisame, Hidan, Kakuzu, and Zetsu.

"Actually… no. I don't wanna eat now… sorry." I left for the bathroom.

After my eyes had stopped gushing to their content, I looked in the mirror- and just as 'DNA' stand for deoxyribonucleic acid, Gaara squinted back at me, without the completely red hair and tattoo.

I was kind of expecting my appearance to degrade after all that time I had spent hiding away in my room, but I didn't think I'd look _that_ bad.

I was paler than Sai, as thin as Nagato, and my hair was… just... terrible.

Was it just my over-active imagination trying to kill me, or were my eyes a lighter color too?

I thought I was gonna die.

_**'Pull yourself together! If Sasuke saw you like this, what would he say?!'**_

He wouldn't say anything, _**Kin.**_ He would slice me in half the second he saw me.

For the next 2 months, I worked on getting myself back to its former glory: beating the dieting formulas out of _Le Sluts_ on a regular basis; eating dango everyday; rebuilding up my finger strength on the keyboard and Nintendo DS's buttons; and of course, catching up on all the manga and anime I had missed out on.

I finally felt like I was ready to go back to school.

Someone else had finally taken my unofficial position as K.H.S.'s banchō, and they seemed to fit the part pretty well... save for the Deva Path piercings.

You remember that one guy, the one that was like _the_ dude to be around, Kenji? Yeah, he broke up with his girlfriend that he had somehow attained during my absence and asked me out as soon as I had walked into the classroom.

What do you think I said?

_'Noooooooooooooo way, dude.'_

Yep. He was never my type to begin with, and I was already taken.

Occasionally, I would catch myself talking to non existent people, either asking Kisame about the computer, Tsunade where the sake was, or possibly Jiraiya and my personal stuff, but I eventually grew out of it.

Anyway, Christmas and Spring break rolled around, followed by Golden Week, and Fathers' Day passed by.

There were a few more minutes till the "Naruto Character Arrival" event, though I was feeling a little bitter about it.

I didn't really expect anyone to show up again, because Minato never said the Parallel Dimension technique repeated itself. I didn't want to get my hopes up, and then have disappointment haunt all my dreams.

But just out of spite, I strolled across the empty lot that once held the wooden house that Yamato had put together for the good guys to camp out in.

I checked the time on my watch.

"Hm… 4:44… 5, 4, 3, 2…"

CRACK.

"H-holy…" I had jumped a solid 3 feet when that happened, and ran down the hill to the riverbank.

I just barely caught a glimpse of glasses, a huge sword, orange spiky hair, and a few Akatsuki cloaks before something shot in front of me.

Just as rational thought set in, I hit whoever it was-

_'That had come 3 microns close to beheading you…'_

-in the chest and held their sword against their neck.

Dark, hypnotic eyes, smooth, fair skin, so-black-it's-got-a blue-tinge hair…

**_'No way...'_**

"What'd I say about attacking people on my property? Huh, _boy?__" _

Sasuke just stared.

I let go of the katana, leaned in and placed a very soft kiss on those lips that I had yearned so long for.

I stepped away, kind of panicking that he hadn't responded.

Once again, I was in for another shock.

He pulled me back and dealt me a more appropriate on, one fit for someone who's been waiting for-freaking-ever just to see their lover residing in a Parallel Universe.

After Sasuke let go, he whispered those 3 little words he "forgot" to say last time,

"... I love you."

_'Oh, the silence you, Suigetsu, Karin, Jūgo, and Tobi shared that moment...'**  
**_

_

* * *

*_a hikikomori is someone who never leaves their room or house, either earning money from a stay at home job, or getting it from their parents. It's a real social problem in Japan.  
_  
_Whew. That was... tiring. Wow. And it sucked.  
What'd you guys think?  
If you don't tell me, I'll use Dark Release: Judgment and...  
Hiruko: judge you.  
Yeah.  
Thanks sooooooooooooooooo much for reading! And about the sequel a bunch of ya'll asked about? I dunno... maybe. I'll probably have to put all my other stories on hold.  
Bye!  
-InsaneNarutard0111


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